“I know what you intend,” she said curtly. Wolfram whined at her tone and pressed closer to his master’s side.
“I intend to get you back to the real world,” he said in a grim voice, dropping one hand to the dog’s head.
“Yes. Then you’re going to kill Filey and arrange your own death. I’m not a fool, Matthew. You’re only biding your time until you think I’m safe.” Her voice broke, leaving her resolve to remain cool and pragmatic in ruins. “This may be the last time we speak to each other. We can’t part on a lie.”
“Grace…” He paused, looking stricken. This attack surprised him, she knew. “What happens to me doesn’t matter.”
“How dare you say that?” she spat. “Of course it matters.”
“I’m not living like an animal in a menagerie until I die of old age. I refuse to let my uncle plunder my inheritance any longer. I can’t escape this estate without harming the innocent. My only options are life in this prison or death. I choose death. That is my one freedom.”
“Promise me you’ll wait six months,” she said steadily even while her heart screamed denial at the cold accounting of his options. He couldn’t die. She wouldn’t permit him to die.
“Why?” he snapped, goaded into a flash of anger. “Nothing will change.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her stomach cramping with nausea as she pictured the lonely hell she consigned him to.
His anger faded and his lips tilted in a smile, although his eyes were dull with hopelessness. “I’m not, my darling. I’ll die seeing your face and remembering your voice saying you love me. There are worse ways to leave this world.”
Her brief weakness fled. He sounded resigned to his fate and she wasn’t letting him get away with it. She wouldn’t give in on this, no matter how her heart keened for his misery. “I don’t want you to leave this world!”
His smile vanished. “Jesus, Grace! Would you rather I sit in this cage like a prize capon until I become mad indeed? If you love me, leave me the liberty to choose my destiny.”
The moment she’d dreaded since she’d guessed his plans had arrived. She straightened her spine and stared at him, reading his pain, reading his brave resolve to end his captivity in the only way he believed possible.
She bit her lip and strove for courage. Thank heaven he wasn’t touching her. If he touched her, her resistance would crumble like chalk. Raising her chin, she forced herself to speak with merciless clarity.
“Unless you promise to take no action for six months, I’m not leaving.”
The blood drained from his cheeks and an expression of ineffable hauteur masked his distress. “This is beneath you. I won’t submit to blackmail.”
“I’m asking for six months.” She prayed she found help before that time was up. She prayed she lived so long without falling into Lord John’s clutches.
“For God’s sake, don’t endanger yourself to save me.” His voice developed a taunting edge. “What do you imagine you can do against my uncle? He’ll crush you with less thought than he’d give to swatting a fly. Have you learned nothing?”
He spoke directly to her greatest terror. Or her greatest terror after her fear that Matthew would die before she found aid.
She sucked in a deep breath. She could handle fear. She’d been frightened so long, it had become her natural element.
“I won’t take stupid risks. But I may meet someone who can help.” She’d always known her plan was flimsy. Hearing it aloud, it sounded insubstantial as a cloud.
“I’ll never be free. You just extend my torture.” He spoke as if he hated her. He probably did right now. She could imagine what it had cost him to decide to end his suffering. Now she thwarted his chance to retrieve his honor and stop his uncle’s depredations.
“Just for six months, Matthew.” She reached for his hand but he flinched away.
“You insist that your will prevails by giving me an impossible choice.” He hadn’t spoken to her so coldly since her first days on the estate. She shivered. She’d forgotten quite how astringent that tone was.
“I want your word you’ll do nothing to endanger your welfare for six months.”
Lord, what if she’d stuck to her original plan and asked for a year? Could she rescue him in six months?
He stared into the trees as if he could no longer bear the sight of her. She didn’t need to see his expression to recognize his desolation or how angry he was.
After a long pause, he shrugged with a carelessness she didn’t believe and turned to her. His golden eyes were guarded as they’d been guarded when he’d first seen her. Even Wolfram’s stare seemed an accusation.
Matthew’s lips twisted in a caricature of a smile. “As you say, what’s six months? Yes, you have my word.”
She let out the breath she’d been holding. His honor was more precious to him than life. He wouldn’t break his promise.