ttention fixed over her head as though he couldn’t trust himself to look at her. She had no such scruples. Her eyes devoured him from the crown of his gleaming black head, down his lean, strong body, to his long feet.
Desperation frayed her tone. “I may never escape. Monks or Filey could kill me tomorrow. I’ve always been a virtuous woman. I went to my husband a virgin. But my life outside ended when those thugs drugged me.” Never had she spoken so frankly. Enough of her old self lingered for hot color to flood her face.
He stared at her now, a troubled light in his beautiful eyes. “What if there’s a child?” He sounded almost angry.
“My womb hasn’t quickened before.”
“Your husband was an old man.”
“In nine years of marriage, I never conceived.”
“We gamble on the future of an innocent.”
She clutched her hands together so tightly that they ached. “Every moment here is a gamble.” Then in a voice that shook with urgency, “Joy would be your greatest revenge on Lord John. I believe…I believe we could find joy together.”
“Joy is a stranger here,” he said bleakly.
“It doesn’t have to be. This is something to take for yourself, something your uncle can’t control. Something true where everything else is false. Don’t let pride steal this from you.”
“It’s more than pride.” He stepped into the room at last. A concession, even if he didn’t recognize it as one.
“Is it?” She didn’t shift from the base of the bed.
“If you touch me now, I’m lost,” he said gruffly.
She brushed her hair over one shoulder and watched a flame ignite in the golden eyes as they dwelt on the tumbling mass of black. “The decision is yours. You have little enough freedom.”
“While you flaunt yourself before me like every dream I’ve ever had.” Bitterness laced his voice.
He took another step. Soon, if she reached out, she’d be able to touch him. Oh, how she longed to touch him. But the time wasn’t yet right. “This could be our only chance, Matthew. Heaven forgive me, but I’ve never wanted a man before. I want you. Don’t make me want alone.”
“You know you don’t want alone, Grace.” Another step. He extended one hand but let it fall before he made contact. “I may disappoint you. I’ve never done this before.”
The words hung between them as if drawn in flame on the air.
She’d won.
Praise God and all His angels, she’d won.
She dragged in a relieved breath. The painful twist of tension between her shoulder blades eased. Whatever tomorrow brought, she had tonight. For the first time since this nightmare began, she controlled her destiny. She offered him the same privilege, if he had courage to take it.
She’d never doubted his courage.
The gravity of the moment tightened her throat. Should she guide him, tell him what to do? She was a stranger to all but the basics. Ridiculous after nine years of marriage, but true. For the sake of his pride, for the sake of his manhood, she didn’t want to play teacher to his student.
“I am at your disposal.” She smiled as his final step brought him directly in front of her.
“I love your smile, do you know that?” he said tenderly, framing her jaw in two careful hands. “How is a fellow to make a start with this business, Mrs. Paget?”
Her smile widened while desire bubbled like champagne inside her. “A kiss is always a good beginning.”
Matthew stared into her beautiful face while a crowd of chaotic emotions jostled within.
He’d dreamed of a woman for so long. A woman to ease his anguish, his anger, his loneliness.
That animal relief wasn’t what he wanted from Grace.
From Grace he wanted…love.