I grip him tighter to me. Uncertainty is creeping in. It was he who said there could be no future. He who put his job before us. Will he still?
His head lifts, and his eyes scan my face as he strokes back my hair.
‘I have a few things to do. Why don’t you freshen up and meet me downstairs in a bit?’
I offer him a small smile, my brain a confused rambling. Just tell him. No, let him tell you first. Don’t make a fool of yourself
. You’re getting high on his kindness.
And then he’s pressing himself up and off me, and heading to what I assume is the bathroom, and I’m no closer to working out where to begin this conversation because I don’t want to lose what we have now.
But what if he can’t give me more?
I hope a shower will clear my head, make me think straight, but I’m just as confused as I make my way downstairs an hour later. I follow the sounds of movement and the delicious scent of spices, but when I get to the kitchen it’s only his father I see.
‘Ah, Coco—excellent timing.’ He looks up from the pan he’s stirring, an apron tied around his waist, his cheeks flushed from the billowing steam.
‘How so?’
I grin. I like him—a lot. I can’t for the life of me imagine him in a boardroom, though; he seems far too chilled and exuberant.
‘I could do with a little helper. Ash has had to disappear to make some calls, but he shouldn’t be too long. I hope you like curry.’
I breathe in the spicy aroma and nod. ‘Smells delicious!’
‘Good. Good...’ He pops on a pan lid and stirs another two pans simultaneously. ‘Ever made naan bread before?’
I laugh as I edge closer and see what he has cooking. ‘No, I’ve never even baked—unless you count the cooking I did at school...and let’s just say my home economics teacher thought I was beyond help.’
‘Nonsense. Everyone can bake so long as they have the right teacher.’
It’s Ash. He’s back.
I turn to him. My smile is instantaneous and giddy. I’m so happy to see him again it’s ridiculous. He comes straight to me and wraps his arms around my waist, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I hear the dogs patter in behind him.
‘Enough of that, son. Those naans aren’t going to roll themselves. Dotty—down!’
He pushes the young collie back as Ash pats my behind with a grin and slips his hand in mine to lead me to a counter dusted with flour.
‘You know how to do this?’ I say.
He positions me in front of him, his warmth radiating down my back as he takes up the dough and starts to break it into smaller balls.
‘What have I said to you about my ego?’
His father chuckles and I follow suit, turning my head to look up at him.
‘I’m just in awe of your skills.’
‘Why do I feel like you’re teasing me?’
‘I’m one hundred percent serious,’ I reply softly, holding his eye for a beat before taking up one of the small balls he’s created. ‘Right, show me the way.’
We work together, rolling out the naans and cooking them under the grill while his father tends to the bubbling pans and the dogs curl up together in the corner, having decided spice is not their thing.
It’s all so easy, so relaxing, and the time just flies by. This is what being in a family is like. A normal family. No pretence, no walls—just existing. It’s how my mother would have had it—how my father would have been had she survived.
The thought makes me sad and happy in one. Sad for losing it...happy to have found it here.