If only she could have backed out of going, feigned illness, or told Jack that he wasn’t welcome. But she couldn’t lie, and she wouldn’t let her messed-up love life get in the way of Lily enjoying this time with the other kids.
She stared at Sam’s inviting lilac door with its ornate yellow frame just like the one out of Friends and took a deep breath. It would be fine. There would be no scene, not in front of the children, and with any luck he would have dropped Lily off and fled.
All perfectly fine.
She rapped her knuckles on the door and tried to stop the near constant playback from starting up again in her brain.
With the devastating realisation that he was more tormented by Elena’s death than she had ever thought possible came the fact that she cared more than she should. That even though they’d barely met, she’d already been reeled in so completely. And though he claimed he was incapable of having one, he was suffering with a broken heart. One that had been well and truly trodden on by the words Elena had thrown at him in a fit of anger.
And she didn’t blame the poor woman. She’d learned enough from Jack to understand the kind of man he was. She knew work would have filled his days and most likely his nights too. But he had done it because he cared, because he did have a heart, and he absolutely did love.
She also knew she had to apologise to him. She’d lashed out, her words callous and unkind, but then she’d not been thinking clearly. She’d been so hurt by his rejection, embarrassed by her confession that she wanted him to be her first, only to have him reject her. It had crushed her. Made her feel foolish and stupid.
It wasn’t until she’d slept on it and replayed it all that she’d understood he’d done it out of concern for her; he’d done it out of the goodness of his heart, not the lack of one.
She shuddered even now as she remembered the whole scene, wishing she’d never divulged that secret. It hadn’t been easy to tell him the first time around, and having him label her as too naïve, too innocent to be...to be what? Defiled by him.
Maybe if she hadn’t been so honest things would be different now. Maybe they’d have made love all night and every night since. Maybe they’d have made a pact to spend every spare private moment together, entwined like the images her dreams taunted her with.
She felt her cheeks colour and her body respond to the idea, and of course the door was opened at that precise moment.
‘Sam, I’m so sorry—Jack!’
She squeaked and gulped, the sight of the man before her colliding with the naked one still rampant in her heated thoughts.
‘Hi...sorry. Samantha has her hands full with the rabble so I said I would get it.’
‘You did?’ she blurted.
‘I figured it would be you since everyone else is here. The kids that is; all the parents have dropped and run.’
‘And you didn’t want to do the same?’ Oh, please, why couldn’t you have done the same...?
‘No, I’m not one for just leaving her places.’ His frown told her he thought she was crazy to even suggest it. ‘She’s either with me or the people I employ to take care of her.’
‘You’re kidding, right?’
His frown deepened. He was just as incredulous as her and she realised too late the error of her words. Of course he wouldn’t entrust Lily’s care to just anyone. Samantha hadn’t earned his trust and neither had she. And it stung, overtaking her thoughts of an apology, the things she had wanted to take back from the other night, replacing it with more anger, more hurt.
‘Well, for your information, Jack,’ she bit out, ‘Lily is safe with us, regardless of what you might think to the contrary. Now, if you’ll just excuse me...’
She needed to get out of his company before she did something she’d regret, like say something else that she’d need to take back once she’d calmed down. She lifted Noah’s present to her chest, an extra barrier between him and her, and made to go past him but he reached out, his hand gentle on her arm.
‘Hang on one sec...please
.’
She looked down the hallway to the crack in the door through which she could see the kids playing and hear their excited chatter as they talked over one another and the music that played in the background.
‘What is it, Jack? I’m late enough as it is.’
‘I didn’t just stay for Lily, Sophia.’ His voice was soft, ardent, and she could feel her resolve wavering as her gaze met with the warming sincerity of his. ‘I wanted to see you.’
She wet her lips. ‘You did?’
‘I’ve been trying to all week but...’
She looked away, her cheeks pinking up. ‘I know, I just—I just wasn’t ready to see you again.’