Kate gazed at his enigmatic, dark eyes. He knew about that?
She drew in a deep breath. “I was a little thrown off by things.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Things?”
She stared at her hands. “I mean … sexually. The way I”—she gazed at him and shrugged, realizing she just ha
d to state it outright—“you know … become totally submissive to you. Giving up every scrap of control.”
“Kate, you can’t tell me you didn’t like it.”
“Obviously I liked it.” There was no way she could deny that. “But I don’t want to like it. I don’t like what I become.”
His lips compressed. “So you wanted to end the relationship before we even went to that party.”
His tone didn’t betray any hurt, but she knew him well enough to know she’d struck a nerve.
She drew in a deep breath while he watched her, waiting. But what could she say? It was true.
“Matt, it wasn’t you, it was me.”
“Fuck.” His eyes glittered with anger—or was it pain?—then he stood up and walked across the room.
“Matt, I know that’s a cliché, but in this case, it’s true. You’re comfortable with who you are, and that’s good. You dominate in the bedroom, and clearly that turns me on immensely. But it also frightens me. The way I become. I…”
But talking to his broad back unnerved her. Was he even listening?
She stood up and walked to him, then rested her hand on his shoulder. “Matt, please look at me.”
He sighed and turned around, his face an emotionless mask.
“I’m sorry I believed what I did about you. That I didn’t take any of your calls. I shouldn’t have taken her word for it, but … at the time, I was so … so…”
Suddenly, the whole thing came crashing back to her. The fear. The pain. And the devastating sense of abandonment and betrayal when Ileana had told her Matt had been responsible for what had happened. She sucked back a sob.
But the bottom line was, Matt had done nothing wrong, yet she had caused him immeasurable pain.
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” she said in a mere whisper. She gazed into his midnight blue eyes, mesmerized by the intensity of his stare, and she had to touch him. She stroked his cheek with her hand.
At the feel of his whisker-roughened skin under her fingertips, at the warmth of his body so close to hers, heat washed through her.
“Matt, I’m sorry. I never should have allowed Ileana’s lie to shatter my trust in you, but … what that man did…” Her words faltered as she remembered the harsh lines of the man’s face as he’d chained her to the wall, then the sharp slash of the whip against her skin.
“Kate…”
She drew in a deep breath and pushed her shoulders back. “I don’t understand why Ileana lied to me, or that stranger did what he did, but … I never should have believed them.” She gazed at Matt, willing him to see into her soul. “I want you to know that I do trust you.”
Anger blazed in Matt’s eyes. “If I had known what was happening…” His hands clenched into fists. “If I had gotten my hands on the guy…”
He wasn’t hearing what she wanted him to hear. She wanted him to understand—to believe—how deeply she did trust him. The man at the party had drawn on her trust of Matt, and betrayed it. Despite what happened to her, if Matt wanted to chain her to the wall now, she would totally trust him. She knew he would never hurt her, even if he wanted to punish her. Because his punishment always led to shared pleasure.
Her insides heated at the memory of Matt’s hand slapping across her ass, leaving her skin tingling.
Maybe she could prove to him just how much she trusted him.
“Matt, never mind that now.” She held out her hand. “Come with me.”
He watched her for a moment, his glinting gaze piercing through her. Then he took her hand.