"You're a virgin at twenty, Christine. You're three years through college and you haven't even had a boyfriend beyond that one that turned out to be gay."
"Hank's a nice guy. He said he needed me to make his mother happy."
"Yeah, but he didn't fuck you. Nothing is perfect. Nothing happens like in the movies. When love comes your way, it's going to be in a weird ass package and you're going to have to accept that. Til then, have fun, and take advantage of your relationship status."
"There you go again. I could just go get some student loans, Bea. I don't need to whore myself out."
"You're studying anthropology. You going to pay student loans back on that?"
I cringed. I could, it would take decades though. It was a luxury of being born rich – I could pursue whatever I found interesting, and not worry about its career viability. With what I was studying now though, I would have a life of living in crappy apartments and eating far more ramen than any person should ever have to.
Bea put her hand on my shoulder. "Not saying you need to go fuck everyone, but you have options, Christine. Don't go being prideful trying to score a scholarship, and be forced to rough it by doing all this studying while working part-time at Starbucks."
It would be so much easier if I could have kept living how I did now, being the model student with all the privileged free time in the world to study.
Plus I would actually have a boyfriend, with all the benefits that would entail.
I had enough lonely nights with a spicy book and my fingers to realize that yes, that's something I would very much enjoy having.
"Christine, tonight there's a big event at this party I'm going to. They throw an 'auction' for charity. Donate all the proceeds to the local animal shelter."
"What are they auctioning?"
"Girls."
My eyes went wide. "Isn't that illegal? Like, the thirteenth amendment is all against that."
She shook her head. "Don't be dense. It's for 'dates'. Rich frat boys throw money to get dates with girls they find attractive. The girls sign up for it. You should sign up for it."
"How is raising money for charity remotely helping my problem? I mean, I love puppies too, but..."
"Seriously, stop being dense. There's usually an unspoken agreement behind it. They plop down big bucks for charity, and the girl shows them their contribution are greatly appreciated." She elbowed me. "If you know what I mean."
"I don't... oh, yeah that."
"See, I knew you could stop being dense."
"I still don't see how getting me laid solves the problem."
"Well it's fun for one. And there's a high tendencies that the auctioned and the buyer aren't just a one night stand. Like, they become an item a lot. The guy is giving massive amounts to charity while telling you he thinks you're sexy in one swift move, it's a pretty solid pick up line, and he's already invested in you. Even if you don't think he's the greatest guy in the world, you could wrap them around your finger easily."
There was some logic to what she was saying. Don't flat out say what my issue was. Be a doting girlfriend. When it comes up, like it inevitably would, they'd protect their investment. "Alright. It sounds unethical as hell, but I'll do it."
"And if all else fails, Christine, just tell them they don't have to wear protection. You're on the pill."
"I'm not?"
"Don't be dense."
"You mean lie about that? That's extremely unethical!"
"Yeah, and these guys have more money than they know what to do with. You aren't really hurting anyone. Besides, you wanted kids at some point anyway, right?"
"Yes, but, urgh, you're really Machiavellian sometimes Bea." I did always want a family. Just not in the way she was proposing. It was yet another way to take care of my problems though. They'd give me a nice giant settlement for me to make the problem go away.
"I do my best. Come on. We need to make sure you get the highest bid possible."
The house was packed, and this was turning out to be as big of an event as Bea had advertised it to me as. There was no shortage of hot guys walking about, and no shortage of them making themselves considerably less hot as they did something stupid like shotgun a beer down their throats right afterwords.