"You can't be too careful," I say. "It runs in my dad's side of the family."
Jeff shrugs. I feel really weird, like we aren't gelling. Our lunch date isn't really bonding time. Danny wiggles enough for Jeff to turn him around and help him stand on his thigh, looking over his shoulder. He turns so that Danny can still look at the rest of the restaurant.
Abruptly, I feel very cold. I look up. There's an air vent right over where we're sitting, which is awful. Right now I feel like the only reason I'm having lunch with him is the cover story I gave Marjorie. Watching him take care of his young baby is nice, but I feel like I don't really belong here in a hotel getting a power lunch with my boss. I don't feel like repeating this experience.
We're getting looks from other diners. They can see that I'm not Danny's biological mother. He looks just like Jeff, with the same blond hair and startlingly blue eyes. Danny doesn't resemble me at all.
I want to go home. There’s a really bad feeling in my stomach. I touch the back of my neck and rub it a little bit.
“Could we get the food to go?” I ask.
“Sure,” he says, a light in his eyes that says that he thinks I’m asking for something else. I look at Danny, who reaches for me. I pick him up and pull him into my lap. He pulls himself up with his little fists gripping my shirt.
“You’re getting stronger every day, aren’t you?” I say, kissing his tiny nose.
He yawns so hugely that it’s almost comical.
“You want to go back in your carrier, don’t you?”
Instead of answer me, he pulls himself close to me and buries his face in my shoulder.
“That’s okay, Danny,” I say. “Let’s put you down.”
Jeff holds the carrier still while I put Danny in and drape a blanket over it. Somehow, it’s easy for him to go to bed in public. That new recipe is a miracle.
Our waitress comes. I see the way that her eyes linger on Jeff’s shoulders. He has really broad shoulders. I irrationally want to jump between them and cover him up, even though he’s fully clothed.
“We’d like two chicken BLTs to go.” He points to Danny. “Our kid is asleep.”
I can see her visibly deflate. With the blanket over Danny, she can’t see that Danny isn’t my baby.
“Yeah, no problem,” she says. “I’ll put in the order right now.”
The chicken BLT must be ultra-popular, because the waitress is bringing out a box with the sandwiches in less than 5 minutes.
“That’s the fastest I’ve ever gotten this.” He puts a twenty in the waitress’s hand. “Thanks. I’ll pay the bill up front.”
“Sure,” she says, a smile on her face. “Have a nice day.”
We take the boxes and go outside. I’m holding the baby carrier while Jeff pays the bill. And we’re out on the street.
“Where do you want to eat?”
My mouth feels dry right now.
“The park, I guess.” I’m feeling oddly fragile. We walk to a small park where there are tons of kids all over the playground. I try to ignore the ants that are on the ground and the small anthill that they are streaming out of.
The first bite of food hits me almost as hard as an orgasm.
“Oh my goodness,” I yelp when I’ve swallowed my first bite. “What’s in this?”
“A mix of cheeses created by the hand of God,” Jeff says, laughing. “I told you it was good.”
“What an understatement,” I say. “I’ll get so chubby if I come down here every day.”
He squeezes my hand. “You’re perfect just as you are, Elia.”
I think about my high school crush who told me that I was cute but too fat for him to date.