“I don’t want to stop. You don’t want to stop.”
“We have to. I can’t do this.” His voice was strangled, his body tense beneath hers and slowly, silently, she gave in. Her heart sinking deep, deeper until it was as if it disappeared.
She allowed him to shift her body off him, didn’t utter one word in protest when he plopped her onto the couch next to him. Closing her eyes against the overwhelming pain, she tried to calm her racing heart. To be so close, touching him and kissing him and then ruthlessly denied, was almost too much to take.
It was too much to take. She wanted to cry all over again over this man who she secretly, foolishly believed was worth her tears.
“I’m sorry, Blake.”
“Please.” She opened her eyes, saw the sorrowful expression on his face. He looked guilt-ridden, physically pained with it, and she wanted to punch him. “You don’t need to explain.”
He stood, thrusting a hand through his hair, messing it up even more than it already was. She was the reason his hair was disheveled. Her fingers literally ached to touch him again.
God, could she deal with this? Being denied Mason? Yet spending the next few weeks with him, pretending this kiss never happened?
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Fine.” She stood as well, thrusting her chin up, oddly defiant after being nearly shattered by his rejection. “Get out.”
A shadow fell across his eyes and she noticed the tick in his jaw. Looked like macho agent man didn’t like hearing what she had to say. Or how she said it.
Too damn bad.
“Blake...”
“No. Don’t try and tell me this is the right thing to do or how you wished it never happened. I don’t want to hear it. Get. Out.”
He stared at her for a long moment, the silence between them uncomfortable, filling the house, filling her head, her heart. So many unspoken words, so many things she wanted to say, but she’d never get the chance. All because he was too stubborn, too duty-burdened to just chuck it all and go after what he really wanted.
And she knew after that kiss, their passionate embrace, how his heart had beat so fast beneath her palm, he wanted her.
It was little consolation.
His shoulders slumped, he turned and walked toward the front door, his steps slow, his appearance one of defeat. Funny, since she was the one who felt like she had just raged a bloody war and came out the loser.
He stopped at the door, his back to her. She could barely hear him when he started to speak. But then his words rang clear.
“I don’t wish this never happened.”
Shock flooding her, Blake watched Mason opened the door and walk out.
* * * *
Mason barreled down the road, running as if the devil himself nipped at his heels. Thick, early morning fog swirled around him, shrouding his vision, the damp mist smacking him right in the face. It cooled him down, calmed him, made him feel as if he was the only person awake, alive.
He knew that wasn’t true. Hell, he could see Blake moving about inside through the large windows that lined the front of the house, the lights bright in the kitchen. Even from this distance, he saw she wore an oversized T-shirt that overwhelmed her slim figure, her long legs clad in pink and green polka dot pajama pants. Her long blonde hair piled on top of her head in a haphazard knot, tendrils hanging around her pretty face.
He cursed himself. Damn, his vision was always perfect where Blake was concerned. His memory was real sharp too, since it had relived every moment of the previous night on a continuing loop. Driving him crazy, making him want to say screw it and give in to his now not-so-secret needs.
But his job, th
e vow he’d made to protect her, prevented him from doing that. Damn it, he was going to do his job even if it killed him. And he refused to let Blake distract him.
No matter how good she’d felt in his arms, soft and pliant and curving around him. Her mouth on his, how she tasted, the way she touched him. Her tongue sliding against his, her breasts crushed to his chest. Hell.
Yeah, he tried to forget, but it was useless. She had to be furious with him. He was mad at himself, but for different reasons. Pushing her away had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever done.
And he’d done a lot of difficult things in his lifetime.