“He’d realize he wouldn’t want me,” Jane finally murmured, feeling sorry for herself and hating herself for it all at once. She’d allowed a pity party or two when she first got out of the hospital, but she tried not to do it anymore. She needed to be tough—or at least to pretend to be.
“Why do you sell yourself so short?” Mindy ducked her head so their gazes met, and Jane studied Mindy, really studied her. Looking at her sister reminded Jane of who she used to be. Older by four years, Mindy was blonde to Jane’s brown, their features similar but definitely not the same. They shared the same eye color, though, and the same laugh. And once upon a time, Jane had just as ample a chest as Mindy did.
She’d lost so much weight after the accident that she was actually working on gaining some of it back now. And hopefully she’d gain her old figure back, too.
“I used to have everything.” Jane cleared her throat. She’d never admitted this to anyone. “I had the handsome, successful husband. We lived in the perfect house in an affluent neighborhood and we had three beautiful children. I had friends, we belonged to a country club, and I went there five times a week for yoga or tennis.”
Mindy wrinkled her nose, but Jane ignored her.
“I had what I thought was the perfect life. I was no supermodel, but my friends and my husband considered me pretty. I felt pretty. I felt good about myself.”
“You should still feel good about yourself,” Mindy encouraged. “You’ve lived through so much and come out the other end. You almost lost everything.”
“I did lose everything. But I gained new things. A new life here in Lone Pine Lake, with my children and my family. And I realized a few things, too.” Jane leaned across the table. “My old life was a façade. The second the fire happened, none of those so-called friends rallied around me for support. Not one. And my perfect husband…he was a complete workaholic who often ignored his family. He worked long hours, through the weekends even, and we never saw him. Ever. He sacrificed everything for his career.”
“Sounds like Marty,” Mindy muttered, and Jane reached across the table to rest her hand on top of her sister’s.
“I hated it. Deep down inside, I was unhappy, but I never wanted to admit it. Always having to take care of everything, putting on this happy face and pretending life was wonderful. At the time, I just did it because I thought I had to. Now I realize how imperfect my perfect life was.”
“What does this have to do with your turning down Chris?”
Jane shrugged. She really didn’t know. It just felt good to get that all off her chest. But how did her past relate to her new present?
“I can’t get caught up in a man and risk my heart again. Besides, consider what he does for a living. He puts his life on the line every day; just thinking about it gives me an anxiety attack. I need to be strong for my kids. I’m all they have.” Jane sat up straighter, proud of her answer.
“I think you’ve been doing a fabulous job, being there for the children. And I think Chris could only enhance your life, despite what he does for a living. He’s a cautious guy. He knows what he’s doing.”
“He can’t control everything that happens to him, you know.” He could get hurt. He could…die on the job. It happened; she knew it did. And she couldn’t go through that again. Couldn’t lose another man who worked his way inside her heart. She wouldn’t be able to bear it.
“You have your children, your family, yourself. I think you’ll know better this time than to allow yourself to get caught up in a man.” Mindy turned to stare out the kitchen window. “I’ve done that. Marty has been my whole life for years, and he doesn’t care about me or the kids.”
“That’s not true, Min—” Jane started, but her sister cut her off with a look.
“It is true. I think he’s having an affair. I…I think he’s with her this weekend. I don’t have the proof but…I think he’s been seeing her for a while.” Mindy suddenly burst into tears, and Jane wanted to cry right along with her. But one of them needed to be strong, and right now, that was Jane’s role.
“What are you going to do about it, hon?” she asked, rubbing her back.
Mindy glared at her through the tears. “What can I do? He denies it every time I ask him, but I know he’s lying. I just wish I could catch him. He tells me he’s working late or is meeting colleagues for dinner, and when I call him a liar, he talks to me in this certain voice, like he’s my dad and I’m his stupid, defiant child. He makes me feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know what to do.”
Jane took her big sister in her arms and let Mindy cry it out. There was nothing she could say, no comforting words she could offer. Mindy needed to figure this out on her own.
Seeing her sister like this reminded her of her past, of her old friends. So many of them had complained their husbands were cheaters, were completely uninterested in them. Jane never suspected Stephen of being involved with another woman, though; the only mistress in his life had been his career as the great and mighty corporate headhunter. He’d worked so hard to have all that success and by the age of thirty-one, he’d done it.
He also died a short two months later.
She didn’t want that sort of life. Never again. She was going to do things on her terms, and right now, Christian Nelson didn’t fit in her terms.
Chapter Seven
“Do you need any help? Tell me what I can do.” Jane stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching her sister bustle to and fro, stirring pots, checking the oven, grabbing things out of the refrigerator.
“You can keep Mom from coming in here. She’s still with all the kids in the playroom, right?” Mindy rubbed a hand over her forehead, mussing her hair. Her face was flushed, and she looked positively frantic. “You can take the pies out of the refrigerator in the garage so they thaw.”
“Thaw?” Jane grabbed an olive and popped it into her mouth. She was starving, and Thanksgiving dinner wasn’t going to be on the table for at least another two hours.
“I made the pies earlier this week and then froze them. Forgot to take all the pies out until last night and I can’t leave them on the counter. One of the kids or Marty would probably eat everything.” Mindy reached into the oven with both hands and brought out the giant turkey, setting the pan on top of the stove.
Jane watched as her sister cut open the bag she’d cooked the bird in and dipped the turkey baster into the juice at the bottom, squirting it all over the top of the turkey.