That was why I had to walk away from them. I couldn’t hold them back and my dream—the baby—would do that.
The tears started then. I dropped my head onto the steering wheel and let them come, mourning the fantasy life I’d let myself believe could be real.
But it wasn’t real and it never could be.
I’d originally planned to raise a child alone and that was what I’d do. I should be thrilled I was pregnant and I was nothing but sad.
When the tears subsided, I went into the house and started making a plan for a new life. One without the baby’s fathers.
When Ethan showed up on my doorstep two hours later, I couldn’t say I was surprised. My men were nothing if not protective. They looked out for me and I knew once they noticed I’d left the office, one of them would come looking for me.
I tried to smile as I opened the door but I could see right away he wasn’t fooled.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. The concern in his eyes tore at my heart.
I didn’t want to do this! The selfish part of me wanted to cling to Ethan and ask him to tell me it would be all right. And he would. He’d make promises and reassure me until I was comforted. But his kind words wouldn’t change anything, not in the long run. So instead of running toward him, I backed away, gesturing for him to have a seat on the couch. He ignored the offer and came closer until he stroked my cheek gently. “Rachel, you’re making me worried. Were you crying?”
I swallowed down the voice that was begging me to reconsider. It was time to be selfless—these men deserved that much. They’d given me the baby I’d always wanted, the least I could do was give them their freedom.
“I’m sorry to leave so suddenly,” I said, my voice soft. “I just…I think I need to give my notice.”
That wasn’t nearly as cool and confident as I’d intended but it did the trick. Ethan’s eyes widened with surprise and concern. In that moment, my heart ached for him. He was so strong, so protective, yet very vulnerable. It was easy to forget he had feelings, too. That this would hurt him. “Why? Is it something we did?”
I shook my head. “No, I just think it would make things difficult if I stayed and—”
“If you don’t want to work, that’s fine,” Ethan interrupted. His hands moved to my arms and he pulled me up against him. He felt so good, so strong and I reveled in the feel, his scent one last time. “Matt and I make more than enough to cover your expenses if you want to take some time to prepare for the baby.” His grin was only slightly strained. “It’s just a matter of time before you get pregnant. You know that, right? You need to be patient, that’s all.”
I nodded, my chest aching at the lie of omission hanging between us. I wanted to tell him about the baby, to see his reaction when I told him he was going to be a father, but that would only make this harder. I had to look away.
“Ethan, I don’t need to leave my job for the baby. I need to leave because I can’t keep sleeping with you and Matt.”
Ethan’s shock was quickly followed by confusion and frustration. “What? Why? Did something happen? Were we too rough with the plug?”
I shook my head again.
Understanding dawned quickly. “Is this about Matt and the job offer?” Before I could reply, he hurried on. “He won’t be gone for long, sweetheart. He’ll be back by the weekend and then the three of us can talk this out and figure out how it will work.”
The struggle to hold back tears rendered me temporarily unable to speak. I cleared my throat and said what needed to be said. “I don’t need to talk this out, Ethan. I’m ending it with both of you. For good.”
Guilt and sadness made the nausea worsen to the point where I had to clench my fists and bite my lip to keep from doubling over. I had to continue reminding myself that this was in their best interests. Ethan might not like it now, but he would when he found the right woman. Matt would be free to pursue his dreams in San Francisco.
This was for the best.
That was poor consolation when faced with Ethan’s obvious pain. “Don’t do this. Matt’s been an ass before and he’ll be one again. That doesn’t mean it’s over.”
“No,” I said, with a finality I didn’t want to feel. They would move hell and earth to make this work between us, because they’d made a promise and these men would never shirk their responsibilities.
I’d have to do it for them.
“I don’t want to work it out.” I was amazed by how calm I sounded, almost like my heart wasn’t breaking and shattering into a million pieces at our feet.
His brows drew together as he searched my face. Looking for what, I didn’t know. His eyes were filled with pain and confusion, frustration and anger.
“You were fine a few hours ago. Playful even. Why didn’t you say anything then?”
I shrugged, glanced at the arm of my couch. It was a good question. What woman would let two men spank her and do butt stuff if she wanted to break it off?
I would have given anything to ease his pain but that would only make this harder.