Heat rolled through my body. “Whoa.”
He nodded once. “Yeah,” he said. “That’s actually something I’m not afraid of at all.”
“I like that,” I said quietly, feeling blood rush through all sorts of body parts.
“I like it, too,” he agreed. “But you make me think about much more terrifying things than that. Like what the hell I’m going to do when I go back to work in the city. And how I’m going to live a day-to-day life away from you when I can barely go a few days without you here in Amberfield.”
I set the whisk down, pausing. “You’re thinking about that kind of stuff,” I said, more a comment than a question.
“I guess I am,” he said.
My heart felt like it was twisting into a pretzel inside of me. It was a jumble of emotions I’d never felt all at one time together. Rock was saying something that I couldn’t have ever dreamed he’d say—he wanted me, apparently, as more than just a fun experiment or fling. But he was also right. It was scary to hear that someone might want more.
It suddenly shuttled me back to square one, and I felt the same way as I had the first few times I’d met him. The nervous kind of butterflies all throughout my body. Disbelief that this person was paying attention to me at all. A definite sense that at some point, I’d probably put my foot in my mouth and fuck up this whole thing.
He hummed, reaching out to put his hand at my hip, rubbing a slow circle there.
“You’re totally freaking out now because I said that. I was afraid of that.”
“I’m not freaking out,” I said.
“I know you a little better than I think you realize,” he said, stepping in a little closer and pressing a kiss to the side of my head. The warmth of his body near mine already started to calm my nerves. “It’s okay. Both of us don’t really have the best experiences with relationships, do we?”
I let out a slow breath. “We really don’t.”
The feeling of his hand on my body was enough to distract me from the fluttering in my stomach, though.
“God, it’s like the second you put your hands on my body, I can’t think about anything else,” I said.
“I know the feeling.”
I filled my lungs with air. “Kansas City isn’t too far from here, right?” I murmured. “How bad could it be?”
“I’m on call a lot, though. It’s hard for me to take day trips.” Rock said. “And... you definitely have to be here for your job.”
“You know, Amberfield shares a fire department with another nearby town, but all together, it’s probably not too dinky of an operation,” I said.
“I was actually wondering what the fire situation was around here,” he said.
I puffed out a laugh. “I was just kidding, Rock. I know you’re not moving out of the city. You love it there.”
His face was completely serious, though. “I hadn’t considered looking into Amberfield’s department. I’ll go check it out tomorrow.”
“Rock, don’t be silly,” I said.
“What’s silly?”
I furrowed my brow. “You’re not going to completely change your career path and go to a small-town department just for me. It would be a huge downgrade for you. I’m sure you’d make less money. It’s just not worth it.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I think I could determine if it was a downgrade for me or not. You never know.”
I shook my head, turning away and going back to my bowl of whipped cream, beating the whisk in it hard. “You’d regret it. This is ridiculous, anyway. I don’t know why we’re talking about this kind of stuff.”
“Because we both clearly have feelings for one another,” he said. “I’m not afraid to admit it.”
“Rock,” I said. “I’ve been alone for most of my life. I can handle being alone a little more when you go back to the city.”
“But I don’t want to be alone,” he said. “I’m completely sick of it, to be honest. I’m sick of having hookups that go nowhere.”
“No one’s saying you have to do that—”
“I want to be with you,” he blurted out, suddenly very serious.
“You don’t know that,” I said, dropping the whisk into the metal bowl with a clatter. I’d overwhipped the cream, and now it was stiff and all wrong. Heat surged through me, and I stopped to suck in a breath.
“Nothing in life is ever going to be perfect, Perry,” he said quietly.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.”
He paused for a beat, reaching out to gently touch my shoulder. “We both aren’t used to any of this.”
I looked up at him finally, and as I’d expected, all of the resolve in me melted away the second I saw his honey-brown eyes.
Of course I wanted him that much. Of course I’d jump for joy if he left Kansas City and came to be with me. I was just so used to being an afterthought, so used to being on my own, that all of it seemed impossible to me.