‘When I wanted to feel close to you, I went there and sat for a while. I never stayed over. I used a hotel. Next question,’ Gianni encouraged, as if he was competing in a fast and furious game.
‘If you weren’t able to talk to me like this before, how are you managing it now?’ Milly whispered, wide-eyed.
‘I’ve got to trust you. You’re my wife.’ Gianni breathed rather jerkily, as if that question had gone a little too deep.
Milly sighed. ‘I’ve been so stupid. You wouldn’t share things before because you thought I’d succumbed to Stefano.’
‘I was protecting myself. I’ve probably protected myself more with you than any other woman,’ Gianni admitted tautly, his strong facial bones now taut beneath his bronzed skin. ‘Right from the start, I was vulnerable with you. Every time I walked away, I seemed to double back. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t in full control.’
‘But you were when you kept quiet?’
‘It wasn’t deliberate.’ Gianni grimaced, his wide, sensual mouth tightening. ‘You’re always analysing emotions. I had learned to tune mine out and I was basically quite content like that. And when I met you you made it easy for me to go on that way. You knew what I wanted or what I didn’t want before I had to say it. I didn’t have to make an effort until you told me you were pregnant, and then you suddenly went silent and we were in trouble. One voice became no voice, cara mia.’
Milly was shaken by a truth she had never faced before.
‘I’d always tried to show you that I cared, but all of a sudden that didn’t seem to be enough. I really felt the change in you. I kept stalling on asking you to marry me,’ he confessed ruefully. ‘I didn’t want you to say yes just because of the baby. I could see you weren’t happy. That’s why I became so jealous of Stefano. The cracks had appeared before he came along.’
‘Yes,’ Milly acknowledged, shaken yet again by his ability to put matters in their proper context. She had been different those last few months. ‘I felt very insecure.’
‘So you stopped telling me you loved me.’ Gianni released a rather hollow laugh. ‘You got me hooked on you saying it all the time and then you stopped. Considering that I never returned the favour, you had remarkable staying power, but I did wonder what was going on with you. I thought possibly you blamed me for getting you pregnant—’
‘Oh, no!’ Milly was pained by that misconception.
‘So I tried not to mention the baby too much. I felt guilty. Of course I did,’ Gianni shared heavily. ‘I think I took those risks with you because on a subconscious level I was trying to push myself into making a real commitment to you.’
‘But you were so upset when I told you I was pregnant.’
‘I was scared I wouldn’t live up to the challenge of being a parent,’ Gianni admitted grimly.
‘Gianni, you’re a wonderful father,’ Milly told him hotly.
‘I’m learning.’ Gianni shrugged, as if she had embarrassed him, brilliant beautiful dark eyes glimmering. ‘You were right downstairs. I did let you down three years ago. I’m not proud of my behaviour. I’m ashamed that I listened to my brother instead of you. But I knew I could cope with him and I wasn’t at all sure I could cope with you. And that word “hurt” doesn’t cover what I was going through at the time.’
‘I know.’ Milly closed the distance between them to slide her arms round his lean hard body and feel her own heart beating as fast as a war drum.
‘No, for once I don’t think you do know,’ Gianni countered almost roughly, framing her cheekbones with possessive hands. ‘When I saw you with Stefano it was like somebody had taken my entire life and just blown it away. You had become so much a part of me that being without you was like being torn violently in two. And the half of me that was left was barely functioning afterwards.’
Milly stared up at him with mesmerised blue eyes.
‘It took me a long time to fall in love, and it took even longer for me to realise that I did love you.’ Gianni studied her with a raw intensity of unashamed emotion that touched her to the heart. ‘And by the time I got the message, you’d vanished.’
‘You loved me…’ A strangled sob escaped Milly. She was overwhelmed by the poignancy of that confession, three years too late. ‘Oh, that’s awful!’
Gianni stooped to lift her up into his arms and carry her over to the bed. ‘I’m only expecting to talk,’ he told her loftily. ‘I only want to comfort you.’
He held her close and her towel slipped. He watched the full swell of her pale breasts rise and fall with the rapidity of her breathing and an earthy groan was suddenly wrenched from him.
‘I haven’t really got that much more to talk about,’ Gianni added in roughened continuation. ‘You already know just how determined I was to get you back once I found you again.’
‘You wanted Connor.’
‘Behind every terrified male lurks a big liar,’ Gianni shared, splaying long fingers satisfyingly wide over her slim hips and easing her into the hard cradle of his long, powerful thighs. I told you it was Connor I was really after. I told myself it was only sex I was after. I kept on telling myself that I couldn’t trust you and then kept on forgetting it. But what I really wanted was everything back the way it was.’
‘Your proposal really offended and hurt me…’ Milly planted a fleeting kiss to his stubborn jawline.
‘So I was trying to be cool. I didn’t want to serve myself up on a plate. I certainly didn’t want you to know that I was desperate for you to agree because I still loved you. I was trying not to admit that even to myself at that stage.’
‘Oh, Gianni…’ Milly sighed ecstatically. ‘That’s all I ever wanted, you know.’