All I could think about was Luca.
He was coming today.
I didn’t make Carter breakfast or lunch because I couldn’t think straight. Luca’s bedroom was ready to go, along with his toys and clothes. I made sure everything was perfect before he arrived, but I still didn’t know what I would say to him when I saw him again. How would I explain my absence? How would I explain the last three years?
Carter didn’t give me a hard time about my poor job performance. He gave me the space I needed to process what was about to happen. Our evening last night had been difficult because he was still digesting the truth about his mother. But now all I could think about was my son.
I stood at the dining room window because it had a great view of the path that led down to the gate. Since I couldn’t concentrate on anything else, I stood there and waited, hoping to see a black car pull up to the gate.
Carter came up behind me and gripped my shoulders. “You alright, sweetheart?”
“I’m terrified. I can’t breathe. My chest hurts. No, I’m not alright.” What would I do when Luca got out of the car and had no idea who I was? He was only five when I disappeared. Three years had come and gone, critical years for his development. He could have a completely different personality now. He could be bitter about the orphanage he’d lived in, angry about the teachers and other kids. Or maybe he was happy…and wished he were there instead of with me. “So many things could go wrong. He might hate me. He might not remember me. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long…but now I’m afraid it’ll blow up in my face.”
He circled his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my head. “It’s going to be alright, sweetheart. None of those things will happen.”
“You don’t know that…”
“I know that a boy always loves his mother, no matter how old he gets.” He shifted his arms around my chest, circling my petite frame with his strength. I was cocooned in his embrace, the muscles of his arms acting as a natural heater. It was a hot summer day, but my trepidation made me ice-cold.
We stood together in front of the window, but my heart wouldn’t slow down. “When will be here?”
“Within thirty minutes.”
“Oh my god…” This was really happening, and I was getting light-headed thinking about it. I’d never known love the way I did with Luca. Nothing in my life had ever been more important than him. When I was being beaten and raped every single day, I contemplated suicide all the time. I found ways to make it happen, to make it as quick and painless as possible. But Luca always steadied my hand. If there was any chance I could get back to him, I had to try. I couldn’t give up and take the easy way out. Now, I was standing at the window, counting down the minutes until the car pulled into the driveway.
Carter held me in his arms as we waited together. He didn’t say anything else to make me feel better, just gripped me tightly and comforted me the only way he could. His cologne washed over me as well as his natural scent. I was used to it now since I slept in his bed every night. Now that Luca would be back in my life, Carter would become an afterthought.
A black car appeared on the horizon and approached the gate along the road.
“He’s here…” I left Carter’s embrace and ran to the front door, my heart pounding in my throat. I couldn’t wait to set my gaze on my son, to see my own eyes in that adorable face. My arms ached to hold him, to feel with my bare hands how much he’d grown.
Carter followed behind, taking his time as he joined me by the front door.
I opened the door and walked outside onto the front patio and saw the black gates swing open and reveal a black car that slowly made its way up the driveway. Tears already formed in my eyes before I even saw my son. My hands were shaking so much I couldn’t keep them still.
Carter came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.
The car pulled up to the front of the house, all the windows tinted so nothing could be seen inside. The car was shifted into park, and the engine turned off.
Now, I couldn’t breathe. I stared at the back seat and waited for something to happen.
The driver came around and opened the back door. “We’re here, Luca.”
A small boy shuffled out of the car, and his shoes hit the concrete. The man was still in the way, so Luca’s features were impossible to make out. He grabbed something from the back seat, probably a backpack. “Where are we?” His voice was soft and quiet, full of shyness.