“I think the answer is obvious.”
“I’d like to be sure. So, what is it?”
I looked out the window, trying to think of the right way to phrase it.
He grabbed my chin and forced my stare on him, his fingers digging into the skin of my jaw. “What is it?” He lowered his hand after he had my attention.
“It’s not that complicated. I was attracted to you, and I was moved that you listened to me. I realized you weren’t the evil man you wish you were. Without thinking, my hands were on you, and my lips wanted to feel yours. One thing led to another, and it just happened.”
“No other reason?” he asked.
“What reason are you looking for?”
“I wasn’t sure if you did it out of gratitude…since I didn’t hurt you.”
I wanted to look away, but I knew he would just grab my chin again. “I guess I wanted to reward you for being better than most men out there. You restored some of my faith in men. I guess I wanted to honor that.”
He must have been satisfied with that answer because he looked away. “I still want to hurt you. But I won’t.”
“I know.” I knew he wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want him to do. “You’re a good man, Carter.”
“A good man should never want to hurt a woman,” he said coldly. “I’m not a good man, and I have no interest in being one. Maybe I’m not evil, but there’s a lot of room between good and evil. I fall somewhere in the middle.”
“Still an improvement from what I’m used to…”
He turned back to me, his eyes still cold. “You like fucking me?”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s obvious.”
“I want to hear you say it.”
“I already said it when I asked you to make me come again.” He wanted to listen to me say these words because it only made his ego grow bigger—and his cock.
A slight smile formed on his lips. “I like fucking you too, sweetheart. Very much.”
“I picked up on that.”
“And I intend to keep fucking you.” He set his fork down, and he watched me with his intense expression, as if challenging me not to say a word in response. “I’m having a doctor come to the house today to check you.”
“Check me?” I asked. “For what?”
“That you’re clean.”
I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. “I want the same from you.”
“I am clean.”
“I don’t care,” I snapped. “I refuse to make it this far and catch something now.”
He leaned back in his chair. “I’m not trying to sound like an ass, but you’re the one we should be concerned about.”
“He checked me for the same thing, meaning he was clean. And you’re the one who sleeps around.”
“Who said I sleep around?” he demanded.
He’d never actually said those words, but it was obvious. “Are you saying you don’t?”
He didn’t say anything at all.
I proved my point.
“Fine,” he said. “We’ll both do it. Then he’ll give you some birth control.”
I held my tongue and kept my silence. I didn’t need birth control, but a part of me didn’t want to tell him that. I hated saying the words out loud because that made them more true. Egor took away the most important thing to me…the ability to have children. “I don’t need anything.”
“I’m not wearing a condom. I hate that shit.” He drank from his glass, enjoying something besides scotch for once.
“That’s not what I mean.” I couldn’t look at him as I said the truth. I didn’t even want to say the words out loud because I would hear them. “I can’t have children…so you don’t need to worry about that.”
He regarded me in silence, his head slightly cocked as he examined me. He didn’t say anything for a long time, like he didn’t know how to tread in this difficult conversation. His fingers rested against his glass, and he sighed quietly under his breath. “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t say anything. There was nothing I could say to that. “My previous master…had my tubes tied. Didn’t want to put me on birth control so just went straight to the source.” I refused to cry, especially in front of someone. I didn’t want his pity, and I didn’t want to pity myself either. I wanted to pretend it never happened. I knew it was possible that I could get pregnant again with medical intervention, but it wouldn’t be natural and it would be difficult. Egor took away the most important thing to me…something so beautiful.
He sighed and bowed his head, like he couldn’t think of a response to match the horrible thing I’d just said. Carter wasn’t a sensitive guy, a man of few words. He listened to my pleas, but that didn’t mean he cared about other things.
I concentrated on my food and waited for the tense moment to pass. Tears burned behind my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. One day, I would kill Egor for what he did to me. I would kill him for the way he made me suffer. I would kill him for what he did to my family. I didn’t know how or when…but I would figure it out.