No one could.
All of our heat and passion had been stripped away, replaced by anger, fear, and sorrow. We were just ghosts of who we used to be.
We lay in bed together once the sun rose. The light slowly filled the bedroom as the world came to life once more. Tears constantly burned behind my eyes, but I never let them fall. I treasured the feeling of his hard chest underneath my hand, the way his blue eyes darkened when he stared at me. I was trying to capture everything, to keep it in my memory for years to come. I should want to forget about him to make this all easier, but Bones was definitely a man I never wanted to forget.
He was the love of my life.
Hours passed, and he stared at me with his handsome gaze. His eyes were empty, but his jaw was tight and his muscles rigid. He’d never been the kind of man to wear his heart on his sleeve, to display his emotions like a painting. To a stranger, it would seem like he was handling this breakup well. It might even seem like he was indifferent to it altogether.
But I knew that wasn’t the case.
He leaned over me and pressed a kiss to the skin over my heart. He let his lips linger, clinging to my warm skin before he pulled away. The sheets were kicked back, and he rose from the bed.
I knew what was coming.
Moving at a slow pace, he pulled on his clothes. First, it was his boxers and then his jeans. His t-shirt came next, along with his shoes.
I sat up in bed and watched him, the blankets held against my chest. It was time for me to get up and put my clothes on, but my body was too weak to move. Every breath hurt my chest, like I was breathing in poisonous gas.
Bones turned back to me, his hollow eyes full of sympathy. He watched me for a long time, silently demanding me to rise and get dressed. He wanted me to be stronger than this, to not be a wreck once he walked out that door. Despite my pain, he expected the most out of me.
I finally got out of bed.
The moments between getting ready and moving to the front door were horrible. My heart was beating fast with adrenaline, and my hands were shaking with the same tremors that Bones had. The love of my life was about to walk out forever. I would probably never see him again, only have his memory for comfort.
He already had his bags packed. He probably did it in the middle of the night to spare me the pain of watching him gather his things. They must already be in the truck because he didn’t carry them with him.
I followed him to the front door but stopped before I reached the threshold. “I can’t do this…” Tears were already starting to break past the flimsy barrier I was erecting. I’d always prided myself on being stronger than the average person, but all that confidence failed me. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I didn’t think I could see it through. I’d been captured by a psychopath and I’d been shot in the arm, but those experiences didn’t leave me crippled the way this did. I’d rather be shot a million times than have to say goodbye to this man.
He slowly turned around, the disappointment in his eyes. “You’re stronger than this.”
“No, I’m not,” I whispered. “I can’t turn off my heart the way you can.”
His eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched a little harder.
“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I can barely breathe right now…”
“But you will do it, baby. You have your whole life ahead of you.”
“What kind of life will that be without you?” I snapped. “There will never be another man out there who will make me feel the way you do. Anytime I’m with someone, I’ll only think of you. And even when I’m not, I’ll still think of you. You aren’t just some man that I’m sleeping with—”
“I know.” His voice turned gentle despite the irritation in his voice. “I know how hard this is because I’m standing here with you. The idea of moving on after I’ve had something so great…sounds impossible. I thought my life was about to change. I thought I was going to settle down and say goodbye to the life of loneliness I used to live. But now I have to go back to it…as much as I don’t want to. My life will be bleak, a series of reckless decisions without consequence. But Vanessa, you have so much more to live for. Don’t go weak on me, not now and not ever. Hold your head high, be strong, and don’t lose yourself. The last thing I want is for you to be miserable, to make mistakes you’ll regret because of sadness. Take it slow, pick up the pieces, and then find the right man who can replace me, someone who will love you, provide for you, and protect you.”