“You can find anyone.”
“I’ve tried—and failed. That’s why I’m here with you. I need your help.”
He breathed in his cigar and let the smoke escape through his nostrils. “My help?”
“Yes.”
“Your dad would be the best person to turn to.”
When Muse said my parents would be disappointed in me, she hit a nerve. It hurt because it was true. “I’m not asking him for help unless I absolutely have to.”
“Why?”
“You think I want him to know about all this?” I snapped. “The story won’t make sense unless I tell him everything. And he already has a pretty low opinion of me right now, and I’m ready to dig my own grave.”
“Alright.” Carter finally let it go. “We should check the airlines first. She may have been able to buy a ticket in cash or on someone else’s card, but she can’t lie on the manifest. She’s from New York, right?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think she would go there. She really loves Italy.”
“But she doesn’t have any money, so what else would she do?” he asked. “I can have my guys check the listings. What’s her last name?”
I drank the rest of my glass.
He pulled out his phone to take the note. “Con?”
I closed my eyes before I said it. “I don’t know…”
Carter’s look was even more incredulous. “You’re shitting me.”
“When we first met, she wouldn’t tell me her last name. She was running from Knuckles and the Feds.”
“And you didn’t think to ask her later? In all the months you were fucking her?”
I wanted to slam the glass over his head. “I don’t know her last name, alright? Let it go.”
“Con, this is going to make it a million times harder.”
“Just check the damn flights and see if there’s anyone named Sapphire on there.” I was going on little sleep and nearly no food, so my patience was at an all-time low. The stress was eating me alive.
“Alright, I’ll try,” he said. “But passengers are organized by last name. So we may not find anything.”
“We’ll figure out what to do then.” I waved the bartender over and demanded a refill. When my glass was full, I took another drink.
Carter stared at me for a while.
I felt his gaze on my profile. “Whatever you have to say, I don’t want to listen to it.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. But I’m going to say it anyway.”
I sighed.
“Sapphire called me the night she left.”
I slowly turned to him, caught off guard. “Why?”
“She wanted to know why you were being so cold to her…so I told her. In the beginning, she was confused. She didn’t believe me because she was so confident that you loved her too.”
She’d told me the same thing.
“And then she started crying. She hid it pretty well…but I could hear it.”
As if someone punched me in the stomach, I felt winded.
“You broke this woman’s heart, man. And that would be fine if you didn’t love her…but it’s obvious you do. Is that really such a bad thing?”
“I told her I didn’t want marriage and shit…”
“Doesn’t change the fact that you love her. She didn’t ask you to marry her. All she said was she loved you.”
“But you know where it would lead…”
“And maybe if you gave it some time, you might have actually liked the idea. But you flipped out and fucked it up before you even gave it a chance.”
“Carter, when have we ever talked about this shit?” I snapped. “Now you’re talking about love like you know things…when you don’t know anything.”
“You’re right,” he said calmly. “I don’t know a lot of things. But I know when a man loves a woman, and you love her. I just hope by the time we find her that she still loves you…or loves you enough to forgive you for what you did.”
4
Sapphire
With my first paycheck, I bought a condo.
I paid for it in cash, that way I would never have to worry if I could afford it or not. It wasn’t super fancy like Andrew’s place, but it was a nice unit with twenty-five hundred square feet. It had a great view of the park, it was close to the gym, and it was walking distance to the Lady Lingerie building.
I couldn’t ask for anything better.
Independence was invigorating. I didn’t have to rely on anyone for anything, and I missed that feeling. It had been difficult to become dependent on Conway, but once I did, it felt nice. But then he flipped on me and kicked me out on my ass.
And I realized how weak I was.
Now I wasn’t weak anymore. I had food on the table, property, and money in the bank.
It wasn’t a villa in Italy, and living alone was extremely lonely. I wore Conway’s t-shirts every night because I needed them like a security blanket.
A part of me hoped he would come for me, that he would realize he couldn’t live without me.