“I wouldn’t hurt you like that. But if you wanted, a kiss could just be a kiss. No strings attached. Just good fun. Not because I want to take advantage of you or would ever do that, but because we’re both adults, and sometimes, people get lonely.”
“If by lonely you mean horny, which drives them to make bad decisions, then you might be right.”
“Whatever word you want to use.”
“No strings is impossible. I couldn’t do it.”
“Alright. Then I’m sorry I kissed you.”
“Technically, I kissed you first, but you’d have to be pretty desperate to let me climb you with my cat litter hands and the scoop and all.”
“No, not desperate. I just wanted you.”
I hop off the counter. “And I want to wash my hands,” I say, so I do that. Thoroughly. I dry them on the dishtowel hanging from the stove and turn around. Wilder is still watching me. He continues watching me as he sprays more whipped cream into his mouth. Gull darn it. Watching him do that makes my ovaries ache. “It’s a crime that you’re so attractive. You know that?”
“I’m sorry,” he answers a little bashfully.
“Why are you sorry? You’re too nice.” I shut my eyes and open them. Wilder is still there. He hasn’t disappeared. “Please tell me why you’re really here. I want the truth.”
He pales. At least, I think so, as it’s hard to tell in the shitty kitchen light. “I’m here to look after you and be your friend. That’s what your great-grandpa wanted. I needed a…erm…a place to stay while I was here, and those were his conditions.”
“You mean, look after me sexually?” I fume. “How could he meddle in my life like that?!” Even as I say it, though, I’m also kind of floored that Pappy S would go to these lengths to keep me safe. He’s clearly extremely worried about me, and this wasn’t a setup like the last roommates were.
“No, no. Just to look after you and make sure you’re okay. He’s worried because he’s old and you’re young, and he loves you very much. He wanted you to have a good support system when he might not be here to be that for you.”
Well, poo in a stew. That brings me pretty dang near tears. “I have friends,” I sniffle. “Give me that can,” I say, holding out my hand petulantly. “Please,” I add and mean it.
Wilder hands it over. I squirt a massive amount into my mouth and swallow down the sticky sweetness. Ugh. It’s so bad! All of this is so bad!
“I’m not going to hurt you,” Wilder repeats, but his broken record words are starting to get through to me. “I’m not going to leave you, and I’m not going to cheat on you. And that’s getting really far ahead. I don’t just want to kiss you or start up something with benefits. I want you. I want you because you’re beautiful, you’re kind, you’re smart, you’re creative, and you have a huge heart that loves all the strays in the world, even spiders.”
“No! I haven’t been nice to you, so you can’t possibly know that about me. You’re just attracted to me physically, which I mean, is a compliment and all, but you can’t know all that stuff about me.”
“I’m not trying to trick or seduce you, Esme. I do know those things about you. I can see it already. And yes, I’m crazy attracted to you. But also, no, if you don’t want me to do anything about it, then I never will. Though I did tell your great-grandpa that I would look after you, which I will.”
“I have no idea what that means!” I squirt another blob of the whipped cream into my mouth and swallow. It’s mostly air since I forgot to shake the can, or maybe it’s almost empty. “I asked you before, and you said you were just here for the room.”
“I promised him I wouldn’t say anything to you about it. He knew you’d be pissed, and I knew you’d kick my butt out the door before you even gave me a chance.”
“But why? There are other rooms for rent, you know. Easier rooms. Better rooms.”
“I was intrigued,” he replies.
“I bet you were. Pappy S can be really convincing.”
Guilt and hurt cross Wilder’s face, and for a second, I feel bad for both. Just for a second, though, because I have some danger senses of my own, and they work pretty well. Just because they’re not going off in full alarm mode doesn’t mean they aren’t still there. Unfortunately for me, I think my sex hormones are drowning out the warning instincts I shouldn’t be ignoring.
“I know. I know you’re wary, and you have every right to be. We hardly know each other. But every good thing has to start somewhere.”