“You threatened Daryl?” I don’t believe this. And I know Hal has no bodyguards. Or does he?
“You bet I threatened him. Does it make you happy?”
Oh, for the love of god, yes, it does! “No! Why would you even think that?”
“Because I can tell from your face that you liked the idea as soon as I said it.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“You did. But anyway, can I come in? Seeing as I now own half the place?”
“No! You…you don’t! You can’t just own it without my say-so! I must have to sign something, agree to something. This isn’t legal!”
“Mmm, wrong. It’s most definitely legal. I took it to my lawyer yesterday to have it finalized, hence the happy card with the happy poem in your mailbox. It looks like you’re stuck with me. Unless you want to buy me out.”
“Your poem sucked! And it wasn’t a riddle. Riddles get solved, which is the point of giving one.”
Hal doesn’t give two shits as he peers past me into the open doorway. I dodge to the side to try and cover it as if I’m hiding some dirty secret back there. Like a body. Well, except the only person I would ever want to kill is Hal himself, and he’s still very much alive and standing in front of me. God. I don’t even detest Daryl as much as I dislike Hal. Daryl just got bored and boring. We both did. We grew apart and all that crapshit. Hal? Well. Let’s just say Hal isn’t boring, and we were always apart unless we were brought together against our will of mutual dislike.
Like right now. He knows I can’t buy him out. He knows because my brother flapped and yapped to him after I expressly told him not to. My hands itch to get out the clippers because I’m so going to get back at Sam for this. Now I just need to figure out how to slip him some sleeping pills. I bet Marla and Sarah have a few they could give me.
“I’m busy. I’m in the middle of doing orders, and we were already behind before your stupid card ruined everything. I have cupcakes to get out, a wedding cake to—”
Hal grins real slowly as if I amuse him. “Better get to it then. I wouldn’t want my new business to suffer. It’s best to make a profit and have happy customers.”
“You’re an imbecile!” I hiss venomously. I’m like a pissed-off poisonous snake. I know Hal hates snakes, and oddly enough, salamanders. I mean, aren’t spiders worse? “We need to sit down and discuss how you’re going to be a silent partner or investor or whatever because you are not setting foot in the bakery. Ever!” Wait, did I just extend an invitation to speak, sitting down, like real humans? Crusty musty, I must really be going crazy.
Because, you know, of Hal.
“Even as a customer?”
“Especially as a customer.”
“You know, I could just walk around the building and go through the front door.”
“I’ll lock it.”
“How will other customers get in then?”
“I’ll put a sign on the door stating that if you are anyone other than Haladon Windsongs Destinyblade Walker, you can come in, but if you are Haladon Windsongs Destinyblade Walker, then you can take a bloody hike up your ass!”
“My name. Twice. On paper for the world to see. I like that—”
I step back and slam the door in Hal’s face. And just in case he wasn’t bluffing, I race around to the front, lock the front door, and flip the open sign to closed. The fucker is already fucking up my business fucking fucker fuck style.
“Who was that?” Marla calls to me from the back. “Was it the garbage man? He’s a real hunk, you know. You should have let me get it. I could have handled his trash for him.” She bursts out into spontaneous, wild laughter.
“Dang blast it, Marla,” Sarah scolds. “That wasn’t the trash guy. He’s in his twenties, too, so even if he were the trash guy, that’s just wrong of you. That was some guy with a crazy wizard name. Apparently, he’s Stella’s new business partner.”
“Oooh, a wizard!” Marla croons. “I could work some magic on him!” She laughs uproariously again.
I wish magic were real. Then I could cast Hal out of my life. And magically have a temporary tattoo of something phallic appear on my brother’s forehead. The kind of temporary that would not wash off for at least three days. Plus, he’d be locked out of anywhere he could hide, so the rest of the world would see it. I’d do something to Daryl too. I can’t even think of what right now, but I can’t believe he sold out to Hal. He freaking knows how much I dislike the guy. He probably did it just to spite me. Hmm, maybe I do dislike Daryl more than Hal, but no. No, my dislike of Hal is still stronger.