God, I can’t even admit to myself about what we’re doing, how I’m actually enjoying it, how I’m feeling, and how I’m falling—falling back into that same pattern of trust, emotional investment, and getting attached to someone. I said I wasn’t going to do it again, but even if I can’t admit to myself about what’s happening, I know what’s happening.
“Yeah, I’ve just been busy,” I say.
“Busy banging your roommate?”
“Vera!” Monique admonishes.
I give Monique a grateful look before saying, “No. Busy with the whole sewing and crafting thing because I have to make shit to survive.”
“And banging your roomie in your spare time?”
I huff and sip my wine with as much dignity as I can muster.
“Are you doing the friends with benefits thing? Well, I wouldn’t blame you. He’s hot. Seriously. And if you weren’t banging and clanging him, I’d ask what the heck is wrong with you?”
“Both of you did have pretty good chemistry,” Monique adds. “At the dinner, I mean. That’s why we couldn’t hate on him too much.”
“You guys barely hated on him at all. You just dropped a couple of threats and called it a day,” I say, rolling my eyes at them.
“We did threaten to grill him. That’s pretty serious,” Monique chimes defensively.
“Yeah, and put him in my basement,” Vera adds.
“You don’t even have a basement.”
“Still!”
“We promise not to ask you about him again, don’t we, Vera,” Monique says sweetly.
“Only if you admit you’re both boning and give us all the details just this once.”
“I don’t agree to it. And we’re not…uh…boning.” Well, we’re not. Because that’s a horrible term, and I refuse to see what Wilder and I are doing—giving each other crazy amounts of pleasure, world-changing orgasms, and body and mind-numbing experiences—as boning. It sounds so crass.
“You’re not? Are you for real? Why not?”
Instead of answering her, I just press my lips into a tight line. Vera squeals.
“Oh god, here it comes,” Monique says with a wince.
Sure as shit, Vera launches into a diatribe, asking me for all the dirty details of which I would never, ever, not in a million, billion, gazillion years, go into detail about.
“We slept together, okay. It was fine. Whatever.”
“So, are you still sleeping together, or was it just a one-time thing?”
I can’t answer that because Vera will know if I’m lying, which is why when I don’t say anything, she just sits there nodding and grinning as if she placed bets on this. I wouldn’t put it past her if she had someone to bet with, but I know Monique would never do that to me.
“Are you okay? How do you feel about it?” Vera surprises me by asking. As those are a very Monique set of questions, I didn’t see it coming from her.
“I…I don’t know because I’m refusing to process it. I think I’m still in denial that it’s happening.”
“Have you tried getting to know him? How’s that going?” Monique guardedly asks her question because she knows my history, and she’s probably equally afraid of thinking about Wilder leaving since she’s worried about me.
“Honestly, I haven’t done a very good job of that, so I guess I need to sit down and talk. I…it’s hard since I didn’t mean for this to happen. I can’t say I was just lonely because it was more than that. Does that make sense? Well, nevermind. No, it doesn’t make any sense. I know it doesn’t. I’ve played right into Pappy S’s plan. He wanted this to happen, and it did.”
“But I thought he really was just interested in the room,” Vera said.
“Yeah, no. He told me that he did enquire about the room, but Pappy S had terms, which were that he wanted Wilder to be friends with me and look out for me since he’s worried about his mortality—Pappy S, I mean, not Wilder. The other two guys from last time were supposed to be romantic interests, so it’s slightly ironic that this one turned out the opposite.”
“Well, if you can’t get away from Pappy’s meddling, you might as well join him.”
“Good chicken legs,” I curse, feeling flustered.
“So, if you’re maybe interested in him, and he’s interested in you, do you think, when he moves out, you’ll still be able to see each other?” Monique asks as gently as possible.
“I don’t know.” It’s hard to answer that one because it hurts. Just thinking about it makes my chest feel all achy and terrible, even if I was expecting it. “I’ve been avoiding talking about it, and Wilder won’t push me until I’m ready. I’ve also been in total denial, which sucks, and besides, I don’t know how to have that conversation with him.”
“It’s okay to just see someone while they’re here, isn’t it?” Vera asks, also gently, which is so unlike her. I know she’s going easy on me because she does care about my feelings, no matter how much she might bug me. “I mean, being with someone isn’t the be-all and end-all of everything, is it? You don’t have to have a relationship to have something meaningful. Or just have some fun. Good gravy knows you deserve it.”