Quinn: What will people think if I’m staying on this island and I’m not friends with your friends, Emily?
Emily: They’ll think we’re broken up. Which is what’s supposed to be happening, now that the charity event is over.
Quinn: No, they’ll think I’m a shitty boyfriend who snubs your friends. I’m not about that snub life. I gotta do what I gotta do while the relationship is still hot.
Emily: The fake relationship you’re supposed to be ending.
Quinn: Yeah, well, that didn’t happen yet. We’re a hot commodity in the media at this moment. If we break up now, no one will believe it. Especially after you put on such a good performance last night and couldn’t keep your hands off me. #teamemily
Emily: I think your memory of last night and my memory of last night differ greatly.
Quinn: Oh believe me, the memory of last night will be burned into my brain forever. I won’t forget one single detail about what you felt like coming on my mouth and my cock.
Emily: Was that necessary?
Quinn: It’s definitely necessary for you to come every single time, preferably more than once. I have standards.
Emily: We’re supposed to be talking about the break-up announcement.
Quinn: You’re forgetting we still have a steak fry to attend next weekend. You didn’t tell me there would be a raffle basket filled with grilling supplies. I fucking love to grill! I already bought two-hundred tickets from Alicia Furlan when I ran into her at the diner this morning. I definitely gotta see this through now. She also told me the table you bought for my parents weeks ago would have a reserved sign on it. Sounds to me like someone really wanted me at this steak fry from the very start.
Emily: Fine. Steak fry, then the announcement.
Quinn: Don’t want to talk about the parents’ table, do ya? You’re just lucky they’ll be out of town next weekend. My mom is gonna be PISSED you didn’t tell her. Don’t worry; I’ll smooth things over. Gotta go, or I’ll be late for my surf lesson. We’ll talk more about this later. Have a good day at work, sweetheart!
Emily: *middle finger emoji*
Quinn: You really like that emoji. Is that another invitation?
Emily: What did you do?
Quinn: I did not inhale, I SWEAR! The Professional Football League drug tests us. I might have enjoyed a little second-hand sniffing during my surf lesson with Bodhi the other day, but that’s it. Why, what did you hear?
Emily: A package was just delivered to the office from you.
Quinn: Yay! Happy six month anniversary!
Emily: What?
Quinn: Wow. You forgot our anniversary. This is definitely why we break up. Technically, we’ve been “dating” for six months. I felt it was necessary to honor the momentous occasion of the day you puked at my feet. Open it!
Emily: A shirt that says “Tequila made me do it”. You ass LOL!
Quinn: Shepherd made it for me. I also got you a Quemily shirt. Feel free to sleep in it, and nothing else, and dream about me. But wait, there’s more! There’s also a Quinn Bagley Sharks jersey in there, so you can support your man and look swag at the steak fry.
Emily: I’m not wearing your jersey to the steak fry.
Quinn: Excellent. Nudity was my second choice.
Quinn: Also, I dare you.
Emily: GODDAMMIT!
Quinn: Is there something you failed to tell me?
Emily: Uh, no? I reminded you there might be painters coming to touch up some of the cottages before the official opening day this weekend, right? And I know I told you that you don’t have to feel bad for not putting Crouton in all the new shirts Shepherd left on your back deck. Since you’re now invading my space on this island, you get to hear all about my life from island gossip, probably before I even hear about it. Welcome to Summersweet. What have I been up to lately? I’ve been busy scheduling bookings all day and haven’t heard.
Quinn: Oh, well, according to Shanna Pope when I was at the gas station filling up the golf cart, you might buck tradition and propose to me soon, so that should be fun! Let’s see… Jenny Kaiser stopped me in the check-out at the grocery store to make sure I know you’re not allergic to mushrooms, but you will vomit if you see one near your food. And when I stopped at the Dip and Twist for a milkshake, Wren told me that you told her that I have a giant penis and know how to use it.
Emily: She did not. She would never divulge my secrets.
Quinn: So you DID tell Wren I have a giant penis.
Emily: *annoyed emoji* I guess one out of three isn’t bad.
Quinn: OMGOMGOMG YOU’RE GOING TO PROPOSE?
Emily: Summersweet official opening day is in a week. Do you really want to annoy me right now, when I’m up to my ass in bookings and the phone is ringing nonstop?