Quinn: I’m now rethinking letting you come to any of my games.
Emily: Good, because those are in the fall, and we’ll definitely be “broken up” by then.
Quinn: Keep telling yourself that, kid.
Quinn: I believe there is something you failed to mention about dear, sweet Crouton.
Emily: Birdie said he’s the nicest cat out of all of them. What happened? Did he scratch you or something?
Quinn: No physical scarring, but the emotional toll this has taken on me could have lasting effects.
Emily: I feel like you’re being dramatic again.
Quinn: The cat knows how to use the toilet, Emily.
Emily: Oh, that’s right! Birdie told me she’s been training him. Isn’t it cool?
Quinn: Cool is not wandering into my bathroom with my eyes partially closed, still half-asleep after the nap I took when I got back from having lunch with you at The Barge, whipping my dick out, flipping on the light switch, and making direct eye-contact with the cat who is currently shitting in my toilet.
Emily: You’ll get used to it. It’s probably best if the two of you work out a bathroom schedule. I’m sure Crouton will be reasonable.
Quinn: This is not funny. He stared at me the entire time! I’ll never forget the haunted look in his eyes…
Emily: It could have been worse. Women have to sit down every time we use the bathroom. Birdie actually sat on him one night.
Quinn: You have very strange friends.
Emily: You’re just now realizing this? Also, this is payback for stealing my tots at lunch again.
Quinn: Thanks for going on a run with me this morning.
Emily: I didn’t go on a run with you this morning. You were waiting for me when I ran by SIG and insisted on running with me.
Quinn: Just wanted to look out for your safety again.
Emily: I had to protect you from a group of seagulls.
Quinn: I have a fear of birds, okay? I’m picking the music next time we run.
Emily: Who says I’m going to let you run with me again?
Quinn: LOL that’s cute! Do you want to start off with Adele or Nirvana tomorrow morning?
Emily: Nirvana, obviously.
Quinn: I need to tell you something, but you have to promise not to be mad.
Emily: Oh hell no. That’s not how this works. You’re clearly going to tell me something you know I won’t like. What did you do?
Quinn: Not until you promise. You’re scary when you’re mad. You still smile and act sweet. It’s honestly kind of frightening.
Emily: You know I have the key to your cottage and can enter it at any time, right? Like when you’re sleeping. Tell me.
Quinn: Is this supposed to reassure me that you won’t get mad?! You suck at this. A statement like that should be hot. Now I just want to sleep with the lights on.
Emily: *annoyed emoji*
Quinn: Fine. Sooo, my teammates all know about the whole fake dating thing. I had to be honest and up front with them, Emily. I’m finally with a team that is cool, filled with guys I want to be real friends with, and to do that I have to trust them and be honest with them about everything. I swear to you they will never betray us, say anything to the media, or be assholes. They’re awesome and they can’t wait to meet you.
Emily: Okay.
Quinn: That’s it. Just “okay”?
Emily: I mean, this is your team and you know them better than I do. If you trust them, then so do I.
Quinn: Drinks are on me at Dockside Eddy’s tonight.
Emily: I didn’t invite you to drinks at Dockside Eddy’s so I can catch up with Ryan.
Quinn: Oh, I know. Ryan invited me. He’s gonna teach me how to bowl, isn’t that cool?!
Quinn: You got your wish. I’m leaving the island.
Emily: Come on. The cat/toilet situation can’t be THAT bad.
Quinn: Oh, that part is fine. You’re right. Crouton was very reasonable, and after we both slept on it overnight, we came to the agreement that he can have the bathroom, and I’ll just shit outside.
Emily: I’m glad you two could come to an understanding.
Quinn: I’m actually going back to the mainland for a couple of days, because Tyler set up a bunch of radio interviews for me. It will just be easier to stay there and get them all done back-to-back in two days, instead of spreading them out through the week.
Emily: You know you don’t have to check in with me, right?
Quinn: Just trying to act like a real boyfriend so you don’t get nervous again.
Emily: I’ll be fine. But thank you for your concern.
Quinn: So, since I’ll already be on the mainland on Wednesday, I’ll pick you up at the dock over there, so we can go to the charity event together.
Quinn: And don’t even think about arguing with me. You are NOT meeting me there. I will pick you up, like a proper boyfriend.