Instead, I think about Wren, and going with her to Owen’s baseball games, and helping put out the fires Tess starts, and hanging out with Birdie while she works at Summersweet Island Golf Course, and finally being able to attend a Sip and Bitch at the Dip and Twist in person instead of on a video call, and just being a few cottages away from my favorite people in the world who I can see, and hug, and cheer for during all their important moments.
“Oh, look, it’s your intended!” Carson quips after he moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with me to look down at the text on my phone that is not from Wren. “Remind me again; has your father already negotiated the plot of land he’ll receive in exchange for you upon the marital union, or does that happen after the shoot-out at the O.K. Corral between all the potential suitors on the island?”
Carson laughs at his own joke, while my tequila eyes finally focus on the words of the text. A text that reminds me I have more than one problem to deal with when I get back home.
Ryan: Hey! I know you said you didn’t need a ride to the cottage after your plane lands and when you get off the ferry tomorrow, but if anything changes, just text me. Don’t worry. I haven’t said a word to Wren. Can’t wait to have you home again.
Not only am I flying back home tomorrow with my tail tucked between my legs, forced to tell everyone that I failed—and not just failed but got fired for the first time in my life—but I also have to admit to my mother that she was right. I didn’t find anyone better than Ryan Hutton. High school bowling coach to the Summersweet Island Wildcats, my childhood sweetheart, and one of the many reasons I ran away from home to try out to be a Vipers Cheerleader four years ago. He’s sweet, kind, handsome, thoughtful, and perfect in every way.
He’s just not perfect for me.
In a moment of weakness after not getting a call back from Wren this week, when Ryan sent me his usual monthly text checking in to see how everything was going, I told him I was moving back home without going into too many details. Wren would kill me if she knew I didn’t tell her first, but I owed it to Ryan to give him a heads-up after everything he’s put up with from me.
Shoving my phone back into my skirt pocket, I grab the bottle of tequila and pour myself another shot, half of it sloshing all over the bar top when it takes me a few seconds to get my eyes to focus on my glass. I quickly toss it back, hoping the alcohol will wash away all the guilt from Ryan’s text.
“You okay there, Em?” Carson asks with a smirk, fully enjoying my inebriated state as I sloppily wipe tequila off my chin that didn’t make it into my mouth.
“I’m great.” I nod, pasting my best cheerleader smile on my face. “We’re not talking about Ryan tonight. We both agreed to date other people while I was gone so we could both see what’s out there, just like when I went away for college and every other time we got bored.”
It’s fine that we always just keep coming back to each other, because the dating world is bullshit, and clearly neither one of us has any game. It’s like coming back to an old, worn-out, yet adequate blanket you know will always be there. But, you know, in a nicer way than that.
“I have nothing to feel guilty about,” I remind Carson, and myself. “Now, be a good wingman and find me someone to make out with. I need one more thrill, one more breath of excitement before the lights go out, dammit!”
All of my furniture is packed and on its way back to Virginia, and my suitcases are waiting for me by the door of my apartment in Beverly Hills, where I’ll hand over the spare key to my roommate tomorrow morning. I turned in my uniform and ID badge to the main office at Vipers Stadium and said goodbye to all my teammates who weren’t able to come out tonight at practice earlier this afternoon. This part of my life is officially over, and yet none of it feels real. I’ve been living thousands of miles away from home and busting my ass for the last four years, barely sleeping, working my body to death, traveling all over the world with zero time for a social life, and missing out on everything important happening back home, so I could finally follow my dreams and do what I want to do with my life for once, instead of what my family expects me to do. I sacrificed everything for my dream job, and I screwed it all up, because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about something I believed in.