“Can I ask you something?” I said suddenly.
He made an uncertain gesture with his hands. “Depends. No family secrets.”
“No,” I said. “Just something about Cam.”
“Go ahead,” he said.
“Does he matter to you?”
The question surprised him. His eyes went wide and he tilted his head, lips pulling down into a frown as he shifted to face me. “I’m not sure what you mean,” he said.
“Cam’s life, does it matter to you? Would you throw him way if it benefitted you or the family?”
He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. His confusion turned to a strange, uncertain darkness, his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed flat.
“I’ll be honest with you, since it took some guts to ask me that,” he said. “Yes, his life matters to me, but I’d sacrifice any of my men for the good of the family. But I’d fight like hell before putting myself in that position first.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay then,” I said. “I believe you.”
“Good,” he said, sitting back again. “Not that I give a damn whether you do or not.”
I laughed a little and he grinned but didn’t look at me.
“I think you should make him Capo,” I said, feeling bold. “He’s a good man and he deserves it. I know he’ll work hard for you.”
“I thought you didn’t want him joining my family.”
“He already did.” I dug my fingers into my thigh then relaxed them again. There was nothing I could do about Cam anymore, and it was time to accept that this was what he wanted. I couldn’t change him, and if I was going to be around him, I had to accept what he’d become.
Just like he had to accept what I was.
“I’m considering it,” Dean said.
“Cam’s a good person. He’s smart, he’s strong. I think you should give him whatever promotion you can.”
He laughed and swung his legs off the lounger. “You’re an odd one, you know that?” he said. “I’ll tell you what. If Cam kills Ronan, then I’ll give him control of a big piece of territory. I’ll make him a Capo, and hell, you can be his lieutenant if you want. Or his wife, depending on how things are going.” He cocked his head and smirked. “You are sleeping with him, aren’t you?”
My cheeks turned bright pink. “None of your business,” I said harshly.
He stood up, still grinning big. “You’re right, it’s not,” he said. “But you should be sleeping with him. That man’s a catch, and you’re, what, some street girl from his past?”
I let out a sharp breath through my nose. “Here I was starting to think you were nice.”
He lingered at the edge of the pool and looked back at me. “Don’t mistake me,” he said. “I’m not a nice man, but I can be a fair one. And you are a street girl, whether you like that or not. Cam’s good for you. I think it’s time to let go of whatever you’re holding on to.”
“You don’t know me,” I said. “You have no clue what I’m holding on to.”
He shrugged and made a gesture as if to say, none of that matters.
“Good luck,” he said as he headed back to the house. “Tell Cam what I said. Get Ronan, get rich.”
I watched the Don go and clenched my fists. That had almost been a pleasant conversation, at least until the end.
He was right and I hated him for it. Cam was good for me—even if I still harbored a grudge for what had happened, I knew that a big piece of that was my own fault.
It was my stubborn pride that made me turn my back on him when he chose to join the family.
But it was hard to give that piece of me up. It was hard to forget all that time spent on the street, wondering where my next meal was coming from, and carrying that anger deep inside, that simmering hate. I learned to steal and to survive, but I never let go of my grudge, at least until Cam showed back up in my life with a flash, bringing death with him.
I wanted him to succeed, and I wanted Ronan dead.
Maybe it didn’t matter what I felt. I could help Cam and sort out the rest later.
14
Cam
Irene sat low in the passenger side of my sedan as we cruised through North Philly toward Kensington. The houses in this part of the city were rundown, some of them abandoned and overgrown with weeds. Various gangs owned these streets, though the Healy family was behind a lot of their power. The Valentinos had little pockets of control, but not enough to make a strong claim on any corners.
I glanced over at Irene as she stared out the window. I bet she stayed in this part of the city a lot these past couple years. It was the neighborhood that time forgot, the poorest part of the city where cops rarely bothered to roam and the blocks looked after themselves as much as they could. Half the street lights were broken out and somehow the moon and stars seemed brighter around here. The night enveloped North Philly in a way it didn’t in the rest of the city, and it felt like we were in another world.