As they rocked and talked, she felt as if she was standing on the edge of a high cliff and a misstep could mean ruin. She thought about what she should do and what she wanted to do. She wanted to be in his arms, making love again. How much would that hurt later? It wouldn’t change anything. It just might mean more heartache.
“Think you’ll stay in Royal or move to Dallas after our divorce?” he asked after a long silence.
“Right now, after a fun day together, I don’t want to think about the divorce.” She gazed into the darkness and sipped her tea. “I’ll probably stay in this area unless some opportunity with my photography comes up and causes me to move on. We’ll cross paths, I’m sure.”
With his feet propped on another chair, Tom was silent. While he sipped his beer, he idly rubbed one knee and she remembered how he ran and played with the kids. She also remembered how badly his knee was hurt in the bus wreck and the big scar he still carried.
“Does your knee hurt?”
He looked around. “Not really. I guess rubbing it sometimes has gotten to be a habit from when it did hurt.”
“That’s good. It used to bother you some after a long day like today,” she said.
“I don’t think about it much any longer. We’ll both carry that night with us in our memories forever, but the pain isn’t as constant as it was.”
“I agree. I’m sorry that you got hurt so badly. I was scared I’d lose you both,” she said, thinking about all they had been through.
“I’m sorry I made it and Ryan didn’t,” he said quietly.
“Tom, don’t ever apologize because you survived,” she said, turning to stare at him. “I didn’t want to lose either one of you,” she said. “I was terrified when they told me you were on the critical list along with Ryan. I called your brother and that’s why you were on so many prayer lists, because he got the word out. Don’t ever apologize for surviving.”
“I figured you wished I had died instead of Ryan,” Tom replied. Stunned, she stared at him in the darkness while she clutched his hand.
Nine
“If one of us could have lived and one couldn’t, I would rather it had been Ryan, too,” Tom continued.
Shocked, she shook her head. “Tom, I never felt that way,” she said, staring at him in the dark. “That’s dreadful. I never for one second wanted to lose you.”
He didn’t answer and she wondered if he doubted her. “It has never occurred to me you could have thought I wished it had been you. I loved you. I loved you so much.” When he still didn’t answer her, she hurt to think he had been carrying that idea around all this time. “I was so scared you wouldn’t make it. I stayed awake all through that first night praying for you and Ryan.”
Setting her glass of tea aside, she got up and stepped over to sit in his lap. She framed his face with her hands so she could look into his eyes even though it was dark on the porch. “I never wished you had died instead of Ryan. Not for one part of a second. Oh, how I loved you.”
His arms tightened around her and he shifted, cradling her against his shoulder as he leaned over to kiss her, a possessive kiss that made her insides seize up. She kissed him back as if she could erase all the heartaches and differences with their kiss. She leaned away again and cupped his chin in her hand.
“Don’t ever think or say that again. With my whole heart I wanted you and Ryan, both of you, to survive.” Holding him tightly, she resumed their kiss.
Minutes later, she raised her head. “Tom, I never for one second wanted you to die,” she said.
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nbsp; He gazed intently at her and started to say something, but she stood, taking his hand. She pulled lightly and he came to his feet to sweep her into his arms.
If she couldn’t convince him with words, she wanted to show him with her loving, with kisses and caresses to give him all the sensual pleasure possible. As if he knew what she wanted, he carried her inside. Holding her close, he climbed the staircase and switched on the light in the upstairs hall.
In her bedroom beside the new bed, he stood her on her feet and kissed her. The instant his mouth covered hers, she trembled with desire. She stepped back to take off her blouse, moving slowly while he watched her. When she had her blouse off, she stepped forward to pull off his shirt and rake her hands over his chest and shower kisses there, running her tongue over the flat, hard nipples, tangling her fingers in his thick chest curls.
He caressed her breasts, cupping them and stroking her nipples lightly with his thumbs while she peeled away her capri pants. She unfastened and pulled off his belt as they kissed. Then she unfastened his jeans and pushed them down his legs.
Tom paused to kick off his boots and pull off the rest of his clothes and her lace panties. He placed his hands on her hips and stepped back to look at her. “You’re beautiful. I’ve dreamed about you and spent hours remembering.” His fingers again drifted over her breast, a faint brush of his hand that was as electrifying as his hungry gaze.
His look was as sexy and stimulating as his touch, making her quiver. She twisted and turned, rubbing her warm, naked body against him, all the while caressing him, touching him, stroking his thick manhood.
“Ah, Em, this is good with you, so good.” He leaned down to take her nipple in his mouth and circle the tip with his tongue. Intense sensation shot through her from each hot brush of his tongue and she gasped with pleasure.
“Tom, my love,” she whispered. Her fingers trailed over his scars, some new, most old and familiar. She followed with her tongue.
Reaching for her, he watched her expression as he cupped her breasts again.