“Tom, wait.” She paused to look at him as she placed her hand on his jaw and felt the short stubble beneath her fingers and palm. “You’re going to bring back all that we’re trying to get away from.”
“Live a little, darlin’. We should just let go and enjoy each other and the night. You can’t tell me you don’t like this.”
“You know I love everything you do,” she said, “but we’ve tried every way possible to work things out and haven’t even come close.” She wiggled away and slipped off his lap. “It’s time for me to go upstairs.”
He didn’t answer. She left her drink and turned to hurry inside. She wanted to be in his arms, ached to have him carry her to bed and make love to her all night long. But if he did, morning would come and with it painful choices. They would go back to the way they were and it would hurt more than ever. She couldn’t stay on that seesaw of hot sex and then estrangement. He couldn’t have it both ways. Besides, she knew the night he moved out to the guesthouse, he had meant it to be for good.
She rushed upstairs, fighting with herself silently every second because she really wanted to go right back to him. But it would be futile and lead to more hurt. She grabbed clothes and went to her shower, hoping he didn’t come upstairs until she was asleep.
Finally she was settled beneath the sheets on her cot. The house was still open, the windows flung wide, but Tom would take care of everything downstairs and lock up. She didn’t have to worry about any of it. What she had to worry about was Tom causing her to fall in love with him again.
She rolled over on her back and stared at the open windows. Her thoughts were on tonight and Tom. She couldn’t fall in love with him again. She wasn’t going through what the
y had before. She couldn’t get pregnant and give him another son. Or a daughter. It wasn’t going to happen. It had hurt to tell him over and over that she was not pregnant.
It was more than an hour later when she heard a board creak and then all was quiet. She closed her eyes and lay still, wondering if he would come see if she was asleep. She couldn’t deal with him again tonight. She was torn between wanting to pull him down on the cot with her and avoiding any physical contact. His lovemaking could take her out of the world, but then later, regret would consume her.
* * *
The next morning she showered and dressed, pulling on a sleeveless pale blue cotton dress to wear to church. She brushed her wavy hair that fell loosely around her face. Stepping into blue high heels, she picked up her envelope purse, took a deep breath and went downstairs to breakfast.
When she entered the kitchen, Tom came to his feet and her heart lurched as her gaze ran over his white shirt, red tie and navy suit. “You look handsome enough to have breakfast with,” she said. “Oh, my.”
“You look gorgeous, Em,” he said in a husky voice. “I fixed cheese grits with shrimp. Your orange juice is poured.”
“Thank you,” she said. She had already left her purse on a folding chair in the front room. She crossed the room to pour coffee. “Let me guess—you’re going to church with me because of Maverick.”
“That and because you’re the best-looking, sexiest woman in the county.”
She laughed and turned toward him. He took the coffee from her hand and set it on the counter, and her pulse raced. His arm circled her waist and she placed her hand lightly against his chest. “You’ll wrinkle me,” she said, trying to ignore the heat building inside her.
He dropped his hand, leaned forward and placed his mouth on hers without touching her anywhere else. She was as lost in his kiss as she would have been if he had embraced her. Desire rocked her, and she wrapped her arms around him, stepping close to hold him tightly while she kissed him in return and forgot about wrinkles and her dress.
He made a sound deep in his throat and his arms wrapped around her tightly, holding her against him. His kiss was demanding, making her want to kiss him back and shower kisses on him the rest of the day.
Instead, she stepped away and gulped for breath. “Do you do that just to see if you still can? If that’s why, I’ll tell you that yes, you can turn me to mush and set me on fire at the same time.” She stared at him a moment and then walked away quickly. “I’m going to church.”
“Come eat your breakfast. You have time and I’ll get out of here,” he said and left the room.
She closed her eyes momentarily, trying to get composed. Her lips tingled and she wanted to make love. She ate a few bites of the cheese grits, drank some orange juice and coffee and left it all until later to clean. She hurried upstairs and brushed her teeth. When she came back downstairs and grabbed her purse, Tom was nowhere around. She had already decided it would be a good day for her to walk.
She opened the door to leave, and as she crossed the porch, he stepped up to walk beside her. “I’ll drive you there.”
“I was going to walk.”
“Let’s take the car. You’ll be a few minutes early. When you walk, you may be as safe as money in the bank vault, but humor me. I don’t like you getting a message from Maverick and I can’t relax about it.”
“I understand,” she said, trying to be patient but thinking he was being overly protective.
“You win the prize for the correct answer.”
“I’m trying, too, Tom. I know your background makes you think the way you do and I know this will end. Maverick will be caught or stop sending messages and disappear. Before long we’ll go our separate ways,” she said, feeling a tightness in her chest when she said those last words.
“We’ll get the divorce as soon as this is over,” he said, sounding tense. “I’ve been thinking about that. We can work it out ourselves, turn it over to our attorneys.”
“I think we can work this out. I know you’ll be not only fair but generous, because that’s the way you are.”
“Thanks,” he said in a flat voice that indicated this was hard for him. He held open her car door, closing it after she was seated.