“Reagan,” Zeke murmured, lifting a hand toward her. But when she arched a brow, daring him to complete the action, he lowered it and slid it into his pocket.
Self-preservation demanded he not touch her in any way. Her mind asserted she could withstand the contact, but her heart and her body? No, they were decidedly weaker when it came to feeling those magnificent hands on her.
“Reagan,” he said again. “I know I don’t have the right to ask you for it, but can I have just a couple of minutes? I want—”
“Let me guess. You want to apologize. You never meant to hurt me. And you would like to find a way to be friends again.” She inhaled, bracing herself against that wash of fresh pain. But damn if she would let him see it. “Apology accepted. I know. And no. Not right now.”
She went for the door handle again. But his fingers covered hers, and she stilled, the don’t touch me dying a quick and humiliating death on her tongue. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move when her nerve endings sizzled as if they were on fire.
He shouldn’t affect her like this. Shouldn’t ignite this insatiable, damn near desperate need for him. How many years before it abated? Before her body forgot what it felt like to be possessed by him?
She feared the answer to that.
“Please, sweetheart,” he murmured, removing his hand, then taking a step back. “Hear me out, then I’ll leave you alone.”
“Fine,” she bit out, conceding. Only because she suspected he wouldn’t budge before having his say. And the sooner they got this done, the sooner she could drive away and pretend she didn’t ache for him. Both her heart and her body. Just to be on the safe side though... She took another step back. “Just...don’t touch me again.”
“I won’t,” he promised.
She pretended not to see the flash of pain in his eyes.
“Reagan.” He shifted his gaze away from her, squinting in the distance before refocusing on her. “I wanted you to know that Miles contacted Gracie. He was able to track her cousin’s credit card purchases, and he found one at a convenience store for the same time the winning ticket was sold. That transaction was made out of state, not here in Royal. Miles managed to recover the store’s video footage, and Alberto was there, on camera, paying for his purchase. Since it’s scientifically impossible for him to be in two places at one time, he quickly dropped the claim against Gracie when Miles presented the evidence to him. So she’s good.”
“That’s wonderful, Zeke. Thank you for having Miles look into it. I know Gracie has to be so delighted.” Relief for her friend flowed through her, and she made a mental note to call her. But fast on the heels of that thought nipped another. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”
It was not disappointment that crashed against her sternum. It wasn’t.
“No,” he said. “That was me stalling while I tried to gather my courage and ask you, no, beg you, to forgive me.”
Beg. She blinked. No matter how hard she tried to conjure the image, she couldn’t envision Ezekiel Holloway begging for anything.
“And though I’m asking for your forgiveness, I’m having a hard time extending it to myself. I was so wrapped up in my own pain, my own fear and guilt that I convinced myself I was doing what was best for you. When really, I was doing what was best for me. Well, what I believed was best for me. I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
Reagan sighed. “I’ve had twenty-six years of people making decisions based on what they think is best for me. And yet no one bothered asking my opinion on my life. Granted, I accept some of the blame for that, because I was afraid of rocking the boat, of not being loved. But I can’t and won’t allow that anymore, Zeke. From anyone. And I can’t be with someone who respects me so little they think me incapable of making choices for myself.”
“And you shouldn’t settle for that, Reagan. Anyone who underestimates you is a fool. Like I was,” he added softly. “Not that I ever underestimated your strength, your intelligence or drive. No, I misjudged your affect on me, my life...my heart.”
“I... I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t either. Until today. I thought I could put you in this box and compartmentalize you in my life. But you...” He breathed a chuckle. “You can’t be contained. You’re this force that’s fierce and powerful but one people usually don’t see coming because it’s wrapped in beauty, grace and compassion. I didn’t stand a chance against you, Ray. And that’s what had me running scared. I fought against the hold you had on me with everything in me because, sweetheart, you scare me. Loving you, having everything that is you, then possibly losing you? I couldn’t bear it.”
Loving you. Those two words echoed in her head, gaining strength like a twister. Wrecking every possible thought in its path except one. Loving you.
Oh God, no. Hope, that reckless, so-damn-stubborn emotion, dug in deep, entrenched itself inside her. She closed her eyes, blocking out his face. But she couldn’t shut her ears. And they listened with a need that terrified her.
“I took the coward’s way out before,” he continued, shifting forward and erasing some of the space between them. “But now, I’m here, telling you that I’m no longer living in the past. Not when you’re my future.”
“Zeke, stop,” she whispered, opening her eyes. Because she couldn’t take any more. Love for this man pressed against her chest, threatening to burst through. No fear. That had no place between them anymore. She just wanted...him. He’d taken a risk by coming to find her and lay his heart out for her. And she could do no less but the same. Life, love—they required risk. Because the reward... God, the reward stared her in the face.
“Okay, sweetheart,” he murmured, dragging a hand over his head. “I’ll go, but one more thing. Some investments paid off for me, and they were substantial. Enough to no longer put your dream of a girls’ home here in Royal on hold. Half of those earnings are yours. It’s not a settlement. If we’re going to divorce, you’ll have to file the papers. I’ll respect whatever you decide, but I can’t let you go not knowing what I want. You. A real marriage. A family.”
“I don’t want your money, Zeke,” she said. Pain flickered in his gaze, but he nodded. “No, you don’t understand. I don’t need it. All I need—all I want—is you. Us.”
“What?” he rasped.
“You mean...”
“Yes, I love you. With everything in me, I love you,” she whispered.