Finally, her voice barely above a whisper, she said, ‘Why? Why was it so hard to love me?’
A wretched look crossed his face. ‘I wanted to. More than you’ll ever know. And I thought maybe I could...after those first few years had passed. But then you started to look so much like her.’ His gaze moved slowly over her face, her hair. His look of anguish deepened. ‘I couldn’t let myself do it. I couldn’t risk that kind of pain all over again. If anything had ever happened to you...it would have been like losing Kathryn a second time.’
Her lungs locked again. ‘You loved her?’
‘More than anything else in this world.’ His voice was raw. ‘Losing her was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.’
Emily stared at him. The revelation tore through every belief she’d had about her father. ‘I... I had no idea.’
A deep frown etched his brow. ‘That I loved your mother?’
‘How could I have known? You always refused to talk about her.’
‘Because it was too painful.’
She rubbed her forehead. ‘But...all the women...’
His face reddened. ‘When your mother was alive, I was faithful to her, Emily. She was my soul mate. She was irreplaceable... So, after she was gone, I didn’t try. I just...’
He let the sentence hang, and Emily thought she understood. He’d resigned himself to casual, meaningless flings because he didn’t believe he could love again—or was too afraid to try.
She sucked in a deep breath. Then asked the question she was most afraid to ask. ‘Did you blame me for her death?’
Maxwell’s chin dropped, agony and shame driving his gaze away from his daughter’s. ‘Yes.’
The stark admission felt like an all-over body blow, as if someone had dropped her straight into the path of a speeding truck. A part of her understood the psychology of it. Grief could make people irrational. Warp their view of things. Still, it hurt. ‘Do you still feel that way?’
His gaze jerked up. ‘My God...no. Emily...’ He shook his head. ‘The fact you look so much like her is still...difficult. But no. It wasn’t your fault.’
Her eyes stung, and she blinked back the tears. ‘You made me feel unlovable.’
His expression was bleak. ‘I don’t know how to make that up to you. But I’d like a chance to try.’
‘Will you tell me about her?’
‘If that’s what you’d like.’
Emily thought she’d like that very much.
She took a long sip of water, soothing the burn in her throat. Then she put the glass down and gave him a shaky smile. ‘You’re going to be a grandfather.’
Maxwell swallowed. ‘So I understand. Congratulations, Emily.’ He reached across the table and covered her hand briefly with his.
Emily’s heart contracted.
The gesture was a long way from a hug.
But it was a start.
* * *
When Emily left the restaurant over an hour later, the black sedan and driver that Ramon had insisted she have at her disposal waited on the other side of the street for her.
The driver emerged and opened her door and she sank gratefully into the soft leather.
‘Home, Ms Royce?’
‘Yes. Thank you.’