I can’t afford to be unreasonable, or to give Jackson a reason to suspect that I’m afraid to be alone with him. I square my shoulders. What’s the worst that could happen anyway?
“We’ll catch up when you come down for dinner,” Constance whispers, before I leave her and go to the door, towards Jackson, who’s watching me as if I’m his prey. He follows be back into the foyer, and when we’re alone, it’s all I can do to prevent the tension I’m feeling from showing on my face.
His gaze is sardonic as he looks at me. “You know the way,” he says.
I turn towards the grand staircase, trying to forget that he’s walking behind me as I ascend to the second floor. I know the way to the east wing, but I have to wait for him to go ahead of me and open the door to one of the many bedrooms. It’s one of the larger rooms, with the walls and décor mainly in a soft dusky pink. It’s beautiful, grander than my old room, or any room I’ve stayed in all my life for that matter.
Jackson puts the case down by the bed, and turns to watch me as I walk inside.
“Thank you,” I say, not looking at him, but hoping that he’ll take the hint and leave.
“My pleasure.”
Hasn’t it always been about that! I think resentfully. I was here for his pleasure when I was a silly child who didn’t know better, thinking that I was in love, and when he’d had his pleasure, it had been easy for him to discard me as if I was nothing. I close my eyes against the memories, banishing them from my mind.
He doesn’t make any move to leave, so I move farther inside the room, away from him and towards the windows. Outside, I can see the length of the driveway, before the curtain of trees that prevents me from seeing it all the way to the gate. The gardens are also visible, as well as the fountain in front of the house. I keep my eyes on those, waiting to hear the sound of the door closing so I can know for sure that he has left me alone.
“If you’re wondering where Nick is staying,” I hear Jackson say, the sound of his voice dispelling my hope that he would leave, "He’s only a couple of rooms down the hall.”
I almost laugh. So he does think that I and Nick have something going on... well I am not going to deny it. Let him think what he wants. “Okay,” I reply, keeping my face blank as I turn around to face him, let him interpret it any way he wants.
He moves towards me. Just a step, but my heart skips a beat, then resumes with a speed that makes me start to feel lightheaded. “So are you two together?” He asks lightly.
“Do you ask all your guests about their sex lives?”
He chuckles. “So you’re not sleeping with him?”
I sigh, “It’s none of your…”
“Why did you come?” He interrupts me. “Why did you come back here?”
I’ve been asking myself that question since I found out that he was here.
I shrug. “I got a job.”
“And do you never refuse a job?”
I meet the storm in his gray-eyed gaze. “I couldn’t refuse this one, Jackson. And anyway, I didn’t realize that you’d be here.”
He tilts his head slightly as he considers me. “So you’d have turned it down if you’d known I’d be here.”
“Probably,” I reply.
“Why? I thought it was a job you couldn’t refuse.” His voice is mocking as he throws my words back at me. “Are you afraid of me?”
“I am not.” Even as I say the words, I realize that I’m lying. I am afraid of him, but I’d rather die than let him know that. “I’m just not eager to revisit ancient history.”
“And yet here you are at Halcyon.”
“I would gladly have stayed at the hotel,” I tell him, “I’m only here because you invited us to stay.”
“I didn’t,” He informs me drily, “For whatever reason Constance thought it was a good idea.”
So he hadn’t wanted me here either. Well I don’t care. “It’s only for a few days,” I say dismissively. “I don’t believe the past matters enough to make it impossible for us to coexist under the same roof."
“No, it doesn’t.” He agrees. “It doesn’t matter at all.”
Why does it hurt, I wonder, that he has so casually dismissed a part of my life that has influenced almost every decision I’ve made since then. I turn away from him, back towards the windows, because I don’t want him to see the moisture brightening my eyes. I wish he would leave, and give me some time to get my armor up. I’m going to need it if I’ll have to live with him in the same house for the next few days.