As soon as she says my name, I know something bad has happened. I take a step towards her and look past her into the study. Through the open door, I can see the TV turned on to a local news channel. There’s no sound, but the headline is written on the screen. Local couple killed by drunk driver.
Immediately, I know it’s my parents. I feel my heart disappear to be replaced by something raw and aching. I hear someone screaming, and I realize that it’s me. I start to sob, closing my eyes to block out Aunt Constance’s red eyes and Blythe’s sad confusion. My body is shaking so hard, I can barely stand, and just before my legs give way, strong arms encircle me, and Jackson’s voice is whispering in my ear, soothing and comforting. “Shhhh,” He says softly, “It’s going to be all right.”
The Lockewoods support me through the awful days that follow, the funeral, the lawyers and the banks, and the liquidation of my parents assets to create a fund that would support me, not luxuriously but adequately, through high school and college and maybe beyond. The last of my grans died a few months ago, and since, like me, my parents were both only children, I don’t have any close relatives to take me in. Aunt Constance insists that I stay at Halcyon, and after everything is over, she offers to be my guardian until I turn eighteen.
I was in love with Jackson before, but after he took me in his arms and wiped my tears on the worst day of my life, I became his devoted slave. He never treats me as anything more than a little sister, so I have to content myself with my fantasies and my daydreams, where he always plays the lead role.
The year after my parents die, Blythe starts to go out with Carter Felton, and then leaves for college. I’m left with Aunt Constance, Mrs. Shannon and the other housekeeping staff. Aunt Constance works most of the time, remaining in the city for about three days every week to fulfill her responsibilities as the chair of the board of Lockewood Holdings, a position she holds in trust for Jackson, so I’m mostly alone in the big house.
I spend my free time exploring. I find the paintings and antique furniture in the attic, the rock bed that separates the lawns from the waterfront, and the assorted collection of sculptures in the garden. There’s also an artificial pond, overgrown with lilies, at the end of the gardens that was added by Tippy Lockewood, the great-grandmother whose husband, Edward Lockewood, was a former president. I explore the second floor balconies from where I can see the river for miles, as well as the towering skyline of the city in the distance. My best discovery is the gazebo beside the lily pond, with the colorful flower boxes and cushioned seats along the circular walls, and it becomes my favorite spot in the whole house.
All the beauty of the house pales in comparison to Jackson though, By the time I turn sixteen I’m so obsessed with him, my greatest fear is that somehow he’ll find out and not want me. So even though he’s the main character in all my fantasies, even though I’m so crazy about him I don’t go a second without thinking of him, I keep my feelings to myself, while spending many agonizing hours imagining him with Lindsay Gorman.
Chapter Five
Present
I walk behind Jackson into the familiar foyer. It’s still as beautiful as in my memories, with the sparkling crystal chandelier hanging down from the ceiling, and the wide curving stairs leading to the upper floor.
I sigh, and shut down the nostalgia threatening to overwhelm me, instead concentrating on the sight of Jackson walking ahead of me. He’s holding my case as if it weighs nothing, his stride as confident and easy as if he were holding nothing at all. The years have been kind to him I reflect, magnifying his attractiveness to the point where it is impossible not to be overwhelmed by it. He has used it to his advantage, the combination of his looks, money and social pedigree. According to the gossip columns, he’s one of the most eligible bachelors in New York society, and I’ve never seen a picture of him at some society event without a beautiful woman on his arm.
He’s has also proven himself to be a sound businessman. According to what I’ve read about him, he has more than doubled the size of the Lockewood holdings since he took over. With his looks, money and business acumen, as well as his keen intelligence, he’s the kind of man people write books about.
He stops at the door to the living room and turns around, catching me staring. I look away, busying my eyes with the pattern on the marble floors while he opens the door and waits for me to go in ahead of him.
“Jackson.” I hear the voice from my past right before I enter the room and see aunt…no, just Constance, setting a book aside, and getting up from an armchair. Time has been kind to her as well, but when is it ever unkind to people with the kind of money she has? She still has that serene beauty I spent most of my youth admiring and trying to emulate. Her beautiful hair is held up in a French knot, and her clothes are immaculate. As she looks at me, her gaze softens. I look away from her face, unwilling to remember, to think of anything that will cause me pain.
“Livvie, my dear,” She comes forward to give me one of her sweet smelling hugs, followed with soft kisses on both my cheeks. “Look how beautiful you’ve grown.”
I don’t like how like a reunion it all feels, first Jackson, now Constance, but I shelve the feeling for a moment to return Constance’s hug. “Thanks," I reply, “and you don’t look a day older.”
She laughs. “Now you sound like Nick.”
“God forbid,” I say, ignoring Nick’s hurt expression.
“I haven’t said anything that wasn’t true,” He says in his defense, directing one of his charming smiles at Constance, “and I didn’t know how well you all knew each other. I’m beginning to think of this as some sort of a reunion."
“Oh, it is.” Constance looks from me to him, “Didn’t Livvie tell you she grew up here?”
“In this house?” Nick looks incredulous as he turns a questioning glance at me, “Liv?”
“Apparently, that’s not information ‘Liv’ shares with her friends.” Jackson’s voice is mocking, with an inflection of the word ‘friend’ that makes me wonder if he thinks perhaps that there’s something going on between Nick and me. He’s still standing by the door, leaning on the polished wood frame and looking at me with a slightly mocking smile. After a quick glance at him, I direct my gaze back to Constance. Even if there were anything between Nick and me, it wouldn’t be any of his business.
“You must be tired after your journey,” Constance says, ending the awkward silence that follows Jackson’s words, “Elaine and Carl are in the library looking through some old family history, but I suppose you would rather go to your room and freshen up than join them right now.”
“I am tired,” I reply, thinking I would rather rest than spend time with a writer I’ve never met and Nick’s assistant, whom I don’t know very well.
Constance nods, “Well, I’ll get Sara to show you to your room.” She pauses. “We’ve put you in the east wing with the rest of your team.”
Her eyes are on my face, looking uncertain, as if she’s worried that I may not be happy about the choice of room.
“Thank you Constance,” I reply with a gentle smile. It’s not as if I was eager to stay in the family wing with Jackson just doors away.
“There’s no need for Sara.” I hear Jackson’s say. "I’ll show her up to her room.” He taun
ts me with a smile in my direction, “I may as well complete the job of transporting her delicate equipment.”
I open my mouth to protest. The last thing I want is to go upstairs with Jackson, to be alone with him, even for a moment. Only now, there’s no way to avoid it without sounding unreasonable.