“I wanted you too,” she said with a sigh. “It wasn’t just you.”
“I’m not sorry for making love to you, but I hate myself for leaving.”
“You had to go back to your mother.”
I shrugged. “Yes, but I need you to know…it wasn’t just sex to me. Being with you has always meant much more than that.
She sighed. “I know that. I never blamed you for that day. You were going through a lot. You had just lost your father. I was hurt, but not like before.”
“In LA?”
She nodded. “It killed me when you left.”
“It killed me to leave.”
“Then why did you?”
“You know why. You treated our marriage like an afterthought, like it was just another expensive toy to play with.”
“I had commitments I had to honor. I just needed some time, and I would have made space for you.”
I was quiet. Her words confirmed my worst fears. “Made space for me…can’t you see, Allie? That was always the problem. I didn’t want you to make space for me. I wanted to be your husband…an important part of your life.”
“You have always been that, and more.”
I laughed and shook my head. “We spent just a few weeks together in the full year we were married. You never got around to moving into my apartment in the city. You never got around to leaving anything of yours here. I had to fly halfway across the country or halfway across the world whenever I wanted to see you. I had to deal with all the rumors, the articles calling me an overbearing husband who didn’t understand the industry. I had to deal with the hate from your fans…and you know what, I could have tolerated all of that if I could have been sure I had you.”
“You had me.”
“No, I didn’t. I had whatever was left after your priorities.”
“I had commitments from before we got married, Braden.”
“And I didn’t? You think I showed up at locations halfway across the world because I had nothing else to do? I had to make sacrifices too, and yet you prioritized your appearances and schedule over me. Your army of publicists and managers and agents insinuated with their actions that spending time with my wife interfered with the professional branding of their product—you.”
She swallowed, and her eyes turned bright with unshed tears. “What can I say? I am a product for the consumption of millions of fans. You think that doesn’t tear me apart? You think I wouldn’t rather be here, with you?”
I sighed. “Then maybe you should stay.”
“I’m here now.”
Only because she needed a temporary reprieve from the press. Only because she needed a hiding place. I shook my head. “For how long?”
Twenty-Four
Allie
For how long?
My heart was aching. I needed him to understand. I knew now that my future happiness depended on it.
“Maybe what we need is not for me to make promises about things I can’t control. Maybe what I need is for you to believe you’re more important to me than anything else.”
He let out a bitter laugh. “As usual, I have to be the one doing the believing and the waiting while you make no effort at all.”
I closed my eyes as he rolled to the side and swung his legs over the edge, sitting with his back to me. I wanted to beg him to stay, but I had no more words. I wanted to weep, to cry, to make promises…
“I can accept that me…this…it doesn’t mean as much to you as it should. I can accept that. I can live with the fact that you’ll always belong more to your public than you will to me, but I won’t accept being lied to. You can’t keep telling me you’re committed to us while never actually doing anything to prove that commitment.”