“Yeah,” I replied, even though it was far from the truth. I wasn’t okay. I felt used. I felt destroyed. I was hovering between stark disbelief that Jason was a liar and a consuming anger that made me want to find him and tear into him until all my rage was spent.
“Janice is making lasagna,” she informed me with a smile. Her girlfriend, Janice, was extraordinarily beautiful and a great cook. “You should come join us.”
I tried to smile. “It sounds delicious,” I said, my voice so wooden it was obvious, even to her, that food was the last thing on my mind.
Candace sighed and came to sit on the edge of the bed. My phone was lying on the nightstand, the screen dark and blank. I’d switched it off once the first call from Jason came in, and it had been off all day. I had no intention of letting him reach me. Finding out I’d only been a challenge to him was bad enough. I couldn’t bear any more lies. I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear the sound of his voice assaulting my senses through the phone. I couldn’t risk it. I’d break.
“Looks like somebody really pissed you off,” Candace said quietly, looking at the dead screen.
I drew in a breath and laughed bitterly. “Mostly myself,” I replied. “I’m such a fool.”
“Come on, Daphne.” She squeezed my hand. “You’re not a fool—far from it. You’re smart, pretty, funny, sharp…no matter how you’ve been hurt, don’t use it as an excuse to put yourself down.”
“I feel like I deserve it right now.”
Her eyes filled with sympathy. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. “If I do, I’m going to cry, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
“Oh, darling.” She drew me into a hug. “Sometimes, it’s okay to cry.”
Stay.
As long as you want.
I closed my eyes. “I just can’t stop thinking what a fool I was for trusting…” My voice broke, and fresh tears stung my eyes. “I need to stop thinking about him. How can I stop thinking about him?”
“It’s the roommate’s brother, right? The one from the other day?”
I nodded.
“And he did something you two can’t work out or talk about?”
“I never want to talk to him ever again.” The vehemence in my voice was startling, even to me.
Candace considered me for a moment. “Come to the kitchen. Let’s eat. It’s no use being in here all day glaring at the walls. You’ll just keep thinking about how mad you are at him.”
“You’re right.” I wiped my eyes, drew in a breath, and attempted a smile. “I’ll join you guys.”
After she left, I went to wash my face. In the mirror my eyes were red, my face splotchy, and my hair hung limply around my shoulders. I looked as miserable as I felt, wounded, with a chest that ached as if all the nerves and muscles had been bruised when my heart broke into pieces. Even my head hurt from all the hours I’d spent running every moment with Jason like a reel in my mind, over and over, trying to understand how I’d allowed myself to trust him when I should have known he was nothing but a liar.
I can’t walk away from you.
Well, I could walk away, and I was going to, no matter what he was trying to tell me. I didn’t want an apology, and I didn’t want more lies. I’d been humiliated enough, and now I was going to forget I’d ever considered giving my heart to Jason Wild. I was going to get over him, no matter what it took.
Even though the lasagna was delicious and served with a sweet, full-bodied wine, it might as well have been ashes in my mouth. The old rom-com Candace and Janice chose to watch made me feel even more miserable, and I drank copious amounts of wine. When I finally went to bed, I was tipsy and weepy, and I’m sure I cursed drowsily at Jason until I fell asleep.
The next day, Candace was volunteering at a senior home, and I joined her. I spent the morning listening to stories about old loves, body troubles, and a few regrets. The seniors were glad to see a new face, and for a while, I was distracted enough to push my own pain to the back of my mind.
Early the next morning, I finally brought myself to switch on my phone. I knew what to expect, and I wasn’t surprised when the texts and voice messages from Amy and Jason showed up in my notifications. I stared at Jason’s name, and a fresh wave of pain and anger flooded through me. As if that wasn’t enough, my phone started to ring—a call…from him.
I barely resisted the urge to hurl my phone out the window. Instead, I rejected the call and blocked his number, feeling a malicious wave of satisfaction as I did. I didn’t appreciate being lied to, being deceived, and I was serious about never wanting to speak to him again.
I knew I never wanted you to be alone again.
Liar.
He deserved nothing more than my complete silence. He didn’t even deserve to know he had hurt me. As far as I was concerned, he had ceased to exist.