Just a few more days. I don’t want to think about after, when we return to New York. If I do, I will be tempted to beg, and that’s something I’ve never considered doing, for any reason.
I find my phone near the foyer, along with our discarded clothes. I take care of the clothes, and in the closet, I pull on a pair of pajama bottoms before going out to the terrace.
There’s a text on my phone from Cameron.
I like her.
Yeah, me too. I set the phone down and stare out at the city. A cold breeze blows past me, and I close my eyes. I don’t mind the cold. It’s more bearable than the flames in my nightmares.
I’m not sure how long I stand there before Rachel comes. A sound behind me alerts me to her presence, and I turn around to find her watching me. She’s wearing a white robe drawn tightly around her, concern shadowing her green eyes.
I straighten. “You should be asleep.”
“So should you.” She cocks her head to one side and looks me over. “What are you doing out here?”
I shrug. I can’t tell her about the images and memories that plague my sleep. “Just thinking.”
She comes to stand beside me. “What about?”
“Work.”
Another breeze slides across the terrace and I notice she’s shivering.
“You’re cold.” I put my arm around her, glad for the excuse to breathe in her scent and her warmth. “Come on. Let’s go back inside.”
I lead her back to my bed and soon, she falls asleep. When I’m sure my movements won’t disturb her, I leave, going to the library inside the suite where I work till morning. Rachel stir when I return to bed and melts easily into my arms. Once again, I lose myself in her body, and the experience is more exquisite than I can put into words.
My morning at the Gold Dust is uneventful, at least until Jed calls me from New York.
Jed is not one for social calls, so I know there’s a serious issue that requires my attention. “What’s going on?”
“It’s Aidan,” he says.
My body seizes with something like fear. My brother is talented, artistic, clever, intense, but he has also struggled with depression for most of his life. I live with a barely contained fear of something happening to him, and at times like this, it paralyzes me.
“Where is he?”
“I’m not sure. Nobody is.” Jed’s voice is grave. “He hasn’t shown up for rehearsals in a couple of days and nobody can reach him.”
“Have you checked his apartment?”
“His and yours, and I’ve checked with the Hayes. They haven’t seen him at Windbreakers.”
I close my eyes. If Aidan is not at his place or mine, if he isn’t at Windbreakers either…where can he be?
Memories of past destructive behaviors thr
eaten my composure. He’s past all that, I tell myself. He’s grown so much.
“What about the cabin?” It’s a long shot, but Aidan purchased a remote cabin far upstate. He wanted it for solitude, according to him. To my knowledge, he has never actually spent a day there.
“I’ll get on it,” Jed says.
“No,” I reply. “I’ll go.” This is Aidan. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Jed is quiet for a moment. “Okay. Joe will pick you up at the airport.”
After I ask Tony to arrange for the plane and the car to take me to the airport, I realize I haven’t told Rachel I’m leaving.