I imagine how Ava must have felt. “Yet you got together again.”
Landon sighs. “I thought she understood that we were just people who knew each other very well. I never stood in the way of her relationships. I never wanted to. After her last divorce, she showed up but I let her know I was no longer interested.”
“That was before we met.”
He nods. “I’ve thought of her only as an old friend for a few years now.”
“She made me feel like I was just someone temporary in your life, and she was much more than that to you.” I sigh. “When she was hurt and you were so shaken… I was jealous and scared…and ashamed of my reaction. She was fighting for her life and all I could think about was losing you.”
“You’re never losing me, Rachel.” His eyes linger on my face. “As for Ava, at the hospital, she said some things that made it clear that I had to let her know, very plainly, that we would never be more than friends again.” He’s still holding my hand, caressing my fingers with his. “You own me Rachel, every part of me. Knowing you’re mine is what keeps me going. It’s what makes it all meaningful. Before I met you, I thought I liked being alone. I took pride in not needing anyone. But I need you, and I’d give up everything just for you to never doubt that again.”
“You don’t have to give up anything,” I reply softly. “I love you. Helplessly and completely, Landon.”
He smiles, then his eyes close. “I’m exhausted,” he says, still smiling. “Who knew intense declarations of love could be this tiring?”
I chuckle, then remember the one thing I still haven’t told him. “I need to tell you something,” I whisper, suddenly anxious.
He opens his eyes again, a worried frown creeping into his face. “What is it?”
I take a deep breath. “I’m… I’m pregnant.”
He doesn’t reply at first, the small frown still in place on his face. Will he hate me for not telling him sooner? I swallow and continue, “I found out in Barbados, and I wanted to tell you, but when I called... I trail off. “Well, you know what happened when I called.”
His eyes close again, but not before I see the hurt clouding their blue depths. I quickly continue. “When Evans...” I stop and close my eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about how I didn’t tell you, how I’d never get a chance to.”
“Stop…” His chest rises. “I understand how you felt, I do.” He sighs. “You know now that everything I do, work, solving the problems that have come up in the last few weeks, is so that I can get them out of the way and come home to you. Meeting with Ava, trying to find Evans, it was always about making sure he could never hurt you, because I’d rather die than let anyone hurt you.”
Tears sting at my eyes. “I know.”
“I hate that you felt unsure of me, and I take the blame for that. You’ll never have cause to doubt me again,” he says. “I promise. Everything I am, everything you want, I’ll give you, and if you let me, I’ll give everything I have, for you, for us, and for our child.”
I smile through my tears. “I only want you,” I whisper.
“All of me,” he says softly. “You already have all of me.”
THE dinner is Landon’s idea. Two weekends after Laurie and Brett return from their honeymoon. It’s also my birthday. He reserves one of the restaurants in the Swanson Court Hotel and invites my whole family.
“You’re glowing,” is the first thing my mother whispers to me. She looks pleased. I haven’t told her yet about the baby, but I will, soon. For now, it’s something precious, just between Landon and me.
“Laurie is the one who’s glowing like a lightbulb,” I reply. It’s true. Brett and Laurie can hardly keep their hands off each other. They keep whispering to each other and laughing at private jokes.
“Well, Happy Birthday,” Mom says. She has already told me that, earlier on the phone. “My little baby all grown up!” She’s smiling, her eyes bright.
My eyes water and I embrace her, wondering if I’m feeling emotional because I’m pregnant, or because I’m so happy.
My dad looks sad when he comes to put his arms around me. “Children grow up too fast,” is all he says, kissing the top of my head.
Dylan is here with Kelly, his girlfriend, who finally said yes to dating him. She’s very quick to laugh, and Dylan, my video-game loving brother, can hardly take his eyes off her. The Hayes are he
re, and Aidan too, with Elizabeth. Their play has continued to be a spectacular success, and every day the rumors in the art columns gain more conviction. They haven’t announced any relationship, but seeing the two of them together, it’s hard to imagine that they’re not in love.
The gifts pile up on one of the tables. Thoughtful things I’m sure, acquired with me in mind, by the people who love me most in the world, and Landon, who loves me the way every girl should be loved by the man she has given her heart to.
He is devastating to look at in classic black tie, with his hair slicked back, his face free of any pressure, and suffused with happiness. He laughs with my father and uncle, teases his brother, tells my brother how lovely his girlfriend is, making both the girl in question and Dylan blush. Whenever he leaves my side, he returns in only a few minutes, his hand coming around my waist, his eyes caressing me with something that’s love, and yet so much more.
There is a band with two singers, male and female. They take turns belting out mellow love songs while we all catch up, and everyone gets their chance to fuss over Landon again. When it’s time to eat, the waiters set up a buffet. The informality is charming. Aidan and Elizabeth are the first to start dancing. The singers start a fast show tune, and they do a lively tap-dance that leaves us all clapping.
I see the look Landon exchanges with my dad, but I don’t think much of it. When he signals the singers and they start playing one of my favorite love songs, I still don’t get it. Landon takes my hand.