“Wow,” he says after three songs. “You could dance circles around some professionals on Broadway.”
“Oh, you flatter me sir,” I reply theatrically. We both laugh. My laughter is cut short when I look back towards the tables and I see Landon and Ava, still seated. They’re leaning towards each other, talking.
Aidan follows the direction of my gaze. “She’s trying really hard,” he snorts.
I don’t reply. To me, it looks as if she really isn’t trying so hard. He’s there with her, after all. I grab a flute of champagne from a passing server and down large gulp.
“Another dance?” I ask Aidan, my voice bright.
“Anything you want.”
Landon cuts in a few minutes into our dance, just as the singer starts a slow, soulful rendition of one of her hits. Aidan hands me over to his brother with a cheerful nod and disappears into the party.
Landon’s hands encircle my waist, and I place my hands on his shoulders, trying and failing to make myself immune to his raw sensuality. We’re barely moving, just swaying gently to the mellow music.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asks.
I shrug. “Aidan has been excellent company.”
It’s a dig, and he recognizes it. His lips lift in a small smile. “I’m glad you two like each other.”
“What’s not to like? You know I think he’s great.”
He nods, and I look away from his face, ignoring the temptation to lean into him and place my head on his chest. To feel his warmth and the steady rhythm of his heart, to close my eyes and immerse myself in him alone.
I hear him breathe and feel his chest expand. “Rachel,” he starts. “What happened earlier in the suite…”
I close my eyes, remembering our fight. The things he’d said, the things I’d said… and then I remember Ava, and that maddening, confident smile. “Not now, Landon.”
“No… I,” He stops. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Your being here means a lot to me, Rachel. I hate the idea that I hurt you. I don’t… I’m sorry for not trusting you about Jack.”
“You already said that,” I reply without looking at him.
He sighs, and his fingers move lightly on my waist. A small shudder rocks through me at the slight touch, and I swallow. “I want us to work,” he says. “I want…”
“Landon,” I interrupt. His words are only breaking my heart because I’ve already decided what I’m going to
do. I decided long before we came down for the party, and watching him with Ava only strengthened my resolve. “We don’t work,” I say gently. “We just don’t work.”
I feel his body freeze. “You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” My voice is soft. “I don’t think so, Landon.” I can’t bear the pain, my heart screams silently. I can’t bear loving you like this. When it comes to him, I’m always going to be insecure. I’m always going to be dreading the moment when he’ll walk away from me.
“Don’t do this again.” There is a plea in his voice, a desperation in his touch. “For God’s sake don’t do this again.”
“Why not? What does it even mean to you that I stay? It’s just sex, Landon, apart from that, we have nothing.”
His jaw moves. “We talked about this, and you said you wouldn’t walk away.”
I close my eyes. Somewhere inside, I’d hoped that he would tell me that I was wrong, that what we had was more than sex, and that he felt something for me. Blinking back tears, I look up into his face, “I’m not walking away. I’m trying to make you see that we don’t have a chance.” Not when I’m desperately in love with you, and you don’t feel the same. I sigh. “You don’t trust me. I don’t trust you. We don’t have anything to build a relationship on. Maybe it’s best if we both walk away.”
His eyes close. When he speaks again, his voice is bitter. “Tony will arrange for your transport. You can go anytime you want.
My hands drop from his shoulders. “Landon...”
“No,” he interrupts. His hands come up to cup my face, ‘Whatever it is you’re looking for Rachel, I fucking hope you find it.”
He walks away, leaving me feeling as if my heart has been ripped out. I watch his retreating back, almost unable to breathe. I see someone approach him, I watch them start to talk. He laughs at something the person says, and that, to me, is like a blow. It’s as if he has already relegated me to his past.