The conversation continues in the same vein for the rest of the night. By the time we’re ready to leave, I feel a bit sorry for Jack. He’s silent all the way downstairs. The doorman asks if we need a cab, but Jack shakes his head.
“I think I’m going to walk for a little while,” he tells me.
I shrug. “Alright.”
We start along the sidewalk. “I’m sorry about…” Jack searches for the words, “all that. It’s just hard to be in the same room with her.”
“I thought she had a weird kind of charm,” I say gently. “Of course it’s different when it’s your relative.” I pause. “Are you okay?”
“I’m angry,” he sighs. “All my life I’ve never seen her for more than a month every year, but every single hour I’m with her she makes me feel like my choices are shit.”
“Your choices aren’t shit,” I assure him. “You’re really talented as a writer, and people love your TV shows.”
He stops walking. “You really think I’m talented?”
“Yes, and so does your mom, by the way.”
He snorts. “But no one can compete with Gertrude Weyland, author of the great American novel.” There is a heavy bitterness in his tone.
“What about your dad?”
He stops walking. “I don’t know who he is. She never told me. Probably some poor sucker like Curtis whatshisname who fell for her ‘weird’ charm.” He frowns and looks up and down the street for a cab. “I’d better get you home. Thanks for being here with me tonight.”
“I’m glad I was,” I say with a smile.
Maybe it’s because I feel so sorry for him, but I don’t stop him when he moves towards me. I ready myself for a hug, but I’m shocked when he places his hands on my shoulders and starts to kiss me.
Confusion keeps me frozen, but only for a moment. I push at his chest, freeing myself from the unwanted embrace. “Stop it,” I mutter. “For God’s sake Jack. I thought we’d gone past this.”
“You thought…?” He shakes his head. “Look, I know you think the worst of me right now, because of what happened two years ago, and that night at the Swanson Court when you found out I’d gotten engaged…”
“Jack, I don’t care about that anymore.”
“But I do.” He sighs. “It was different with you. It always was, and I wanted to be the kind of man you deserved, and I tried, for two months. But I knew I was only going to hurt you. You’ve seen my mother. She never kept a man around for more than a few months, and that’s the example I had.”
I shake my head. “Stop it.”
“No.” There is a storm of entreaty in his eyes. “I didn’t want you to love me because I thought you deserved better. I was a fool, and I know you’ve held that against me all this time.”
I shake my head. “Not anymore. I told you. I’ve let it go.”
“What if I don’t want you to? What if…” he trails off, “You have to remember how good we were together.” His eyes are imploring. “I know I messed everything up, but it’s not too late. A few weeks ago, you still cared about me. That day at the Swanson Court, you said that being with me was the best thing that ever happened to you… that can’t have changed.”
“It has.” I hold his gaze. “Jack, I fell in love with someone else.”
His face hardens. “Landon Court doesn’t deserve you.”
“And you do?” I snort. “Don’t make me laugh.”
He looks crushed. “Okay, maybe I don’t deserve you, but I’m not blind. These past few days you’ve been a shadow of yourself. I know about him, Rachel. He’s heartless with women. He’ll use you and then he’ll toss you aside. He has hurt you already, hasn’t he? I know you. I can fucking see it in your face.”
I close my eyes. “You’re only seeing what you want to see.”
“Am I?” he laughs bitterly. “So where is he? This perfect Landon Court? Why are you here with me, if you’re so fucking happy with him?”
If I were a different sort of person, I’d hit him. I want to, very badly, but I clench my fists and grit my teeth. “I’m sorry I listened when you begged me to come with you to see your mother. Clearly, I should have ignored you.”
“Rachel…” he steps towards me and I hold up one hand to stop him.