I slide into the seat opposite him. “You look awful,” I tell him, feeling a little sympathy.
“I know,” he replies with a long, tired sigh.
An impatient looking waitress comes around to take my sandwich order. Brett orders the same thing, grilled chicken and vegetable, with a large mixed fruit smoothie. When she leaves, Brett leans forward. “It’s not that I haven’t asked Laurie, or spoken to her. I have.”
“She told me,” I say with a shamefaced look. “I was just being a bitch earlier.”
He sighs. “I deserve it, don’t I?”
“Yeah kinda.”
He is quiet. The waitress returns with our drinks. This time, she pauses to smile at Brett and ask him if he needs anything else.
I notice that he hardly looks at her when he says no. “What do you think?” he asks me. “How is she really?”
I sigh. “What do you want, Brett? Do you want to be with Laurie or not?”
“You know I do.” He closes his eyes and leans back in his chair, and I see the pain etched on his face. “Did she ever mention… do you think she wants to break up?”
I shake my head. “Now or before?”
“Before.” He pauses. “Now too. Does she want to end things?”
“No,” I reassure him. “She never mentioned anything like that to me.”
The waitress brings my food, sullen and impatient again. I wait for her to leave before biting into the sandwich.
“Good?” Brett asks.
I nod.
He sips from his smoothie, ignoring the sandwich on his plate. There’s a small frown on his face, and I can tell he’s deep in thought.
“Hey,” I say softly. “Come on, eat something.”
He smiles and picks up his sandwich. We eat silently, but it’s clear he has a lot on his mind.
“We’ve been fighting a lot,” he says, once we’re done eating. “One minute it’s all good, and the next, I’m walking home, miserable as hell.”
I keep silent, not sure what to say to that. Some useless platitude? Everybody fights?
“When she makes a big deal about the little things,” Brett continues. “I just feel like maybe she really wants me gone. We’ve been together for four years, Rach. It’s scary. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know I love her more than anything in the world, but what if deep down she feels trapped and it’s my fault.”
I’ve never seen anything to make me think that Laurie feels trapped and I rush to reassure him of that. “I can bet she doesn’t feel that way, Brett.” I sigh. “Why not tell her how you really feel? Your fears and everything. You love each other, you can work through it.”
He nods gratefully. “You’re right. I will. I’ll talk to her.”
I smile, but deep inside, I feel like a hypocrite. I haven’t been able to apply the same principle in my life. I haven’t been able to tell Landon how I feel, but here I am doling out advice.
We say goodbye outside the deli, and I wade through the lunch hour body traffic towards my office, truly hoping that Laurie and Brett would work it out so things can go back to the way they were.
At least the way they had been before I met Landon.
I want you, and I’m not going to walk away from this.
My mind fills with images of last night and need courses through me. I struggle against the memories, pushing into the Gilt lobby and practically bumping into Jack.
“Whoa,” he holds out a hand to steady me, and somehow I end up being pressed against his body in the most awkward hug ever. It’s clear that he doesn’t feel that way about it, as there’s a teasing grin on his face. “What’s the hurry beautiful?”