I steal a glance at Landon. “Yeah,” I tell Jack. “Why don’t you call me tomorrow?”
“Great, Rachel. See you then.”
After the call, both Landon and I stay silent for the rest of the drive. His face is impassive, even as he navigates the traffic going into the city. I toy with the phone on my lap, my mind on Jack. It’s hard even to remember the feelings I used to have for him. It’s almost as if, in my head, I’ve let go of everything I ever felt before I fell in love with Landon.
I stare at his fingers on the wheel, feeling helpless. I want to tell him that I’m in love with him, but I know that will only make him push me away.
He glances at me and sees me looking at him, after a second, he turns back to the road. “That was Jack Weyland on the phone.”
It’s not a question. “Yes it was.”
“And you’re going to see him tomorrow.”
“Yes.”
He doesn’t say anything else. At my building, he parks on the street and turns to me. “We’re here,” he says.
I nod. “I had a great time.”
“I’m glad I could be of service,” he says drily.
The change in attitude has to be because of my conversation with Jack. I recall Landon’s reaction to Jack back in San Francisco. He admitted then that he’d been jealous. Does he still feel the same way? Deep down inside me, I accept that maybe I agreed to go out with Jack because I wanted to see a reaction, a sign that Landon would care if he thought he might lose me.
“I’m just going to have a drink with him,” I say softly.
His fingers flex on the wheel. “It’s fine. You said yourself that you can’t just get over someone you’ve loved for years.”
“I was talking about Laurie.”
“So it doesn’t apply to you and Jack? You’re completely over him?”
“Yes.”
He exhales and taps his fingers on the wheel. “So why do you need to go out with him?”
I fold my arms. “Because he’s also been a friend. Not every relationship is built completely on sex.”
He shrugs. “You were the one who demanded that this thing we have had to be based on sex alone.”
“Maybe now I want more.”
“Do you?”
I want to say yes, but there’s that fear niggling at the back of my mind.
As soon as a woman starts to demand more than I can give, I walk away.
I don’t know how I’ll be able to bear it if he walks away from me.
But one day, he will. It’s inevitable, and the longer I hold on, the harder it will be to finally let go.
He’s still waiting for me to say something. I draw in a deep breath. “You can’t give me what I want,” I say softly.
His jaw tightens, and for a long moment, he doesn’t say anything. “I find it very enlightening that we’re having this conversation right after you spoke to him.” He spits out the word. “If you’d rather be with your ex, you don’t have to conjure vague reasons why we shouldn’t be together, just let me know and I won’t stop you.”
“This has absolutely nothing to do with Jack.”
He is silent, then suddenly without any warning, he reaches for me, pulling me towards him and covering my lips in a kiss that’s hard, hungry and demanding. Despite the riot of emotions I’m feeling, my body responds immediately, my tongue meeting his, taking and giving.