Natalie fakes a gag like she's revolted. "You guys have the weirdest fucking foreplay. Christ Almighty."
My cheeks heat at her words. What Natalie doesn’t know is that when I’d told James about my test Johns and clients, he turned around and recreated a sexual fantasy from each one. I thought it was a sweet gesture. He didn't need to because my past honestly doesn’t bother me, but James had insisted he wanted this with me because what he had planned needed to be experienced.
I told him it sounded like a good deal. I'd be stupid to say no to a hot tumble of passion and guaranteed sublime ecstasy.
And I was right. It was the BEST. SEX. EVER.
James had turned Ram Jam into a lick-a-thon with my pussy. My thighs tremble slightly at the memory of James dominating every nerve in my body with the caress of his tongue. Each orgasm I had that night was more breathtaking than the last. I lost count of how long he’d spent with his face pressed deep in my core.
Each encounter I had with a John, James reenacted all of them, making those moments his.
And he had left the best for last.
James isn’t watching The Silence of the Lambs to taunt me; he’s watching to remind me—him, us—of what we have together.
James had rented a log cabin in Washington our first winter together as a couple. But it wasn’t just any cabin. This cabin was meant for people with an acquired taste for darker things. Set deep in the woods with massive trees surrounding the property, there was nothing but foliage for miles to hear my pants and screams.
James had tied me up and suspended me in the air by a ring in the center of the main room. Two rows of rope were looped through each other, one went around my waist, the other between my legs with a knot pressing right below my clit. My legs were bound separately with rope down to my ankles. I had been entirely and completely at his mercy. There is just something so illicit about it that entices me even now.
He’d stroked and pumped my pussy with his fingers, not stopping until he had my full submission. Once he’d garnered it, he placed a blood red satin blindfold over my eyes, leaving me in complete darkness. James then lathered my skin in an oil that warmed through touch, unlike the cold lotion I’d used with the test John. James had rubbed and kneaded my sensitive skin in all the right places. The rope shifted from his deep massage, causing the ribbed outline to push against my tender clit again.
The lust between us had intensified and the scent of my sex filled the room. James then used a feather flogger on me next. He spanked my pussy until I dripped in his mouth with pleasure, then he flattened his tongue across my pussy lips, devouring me until I couldn’t focus on anything but the intense gratification flowing through my veins. I had cried out in fucking delight as I came in his mouth.
Afterward, James had lowered me to the floor and yanked my hips up so I was on my knees, and he drove straight into my pussy from behind. Ruthless. Savage. He—
"Earth to Aubrey."
My eyes flash to Natalie's. Never one to hold back how she feels, she wears her expression and doesn't give two fucks about it. One corner of her mouth is twisted up as her eyes search mine. I want to laugh, but I don't. Instead, I blink, wondering how long I’ve been standing here lost in my thoughts and feelings.
I glance over at the love of my life. My chest aches with guilt. James wants to marry me, but I don't want to ruin what we have.
I met James because he was searching for something his wife wasn't giving him, and he found it in me.
Would he search for what I’m not willing to give him in someone else?
Sixteen
"Aubrey." Natalie attracts my attention again.
"Yes? Oh, I was just thinking about something I forgot I needed to submit for Retreat by tonight."
I see James frown from the corner of my eye. He knows I don't have to submit anything since he acted as my attorney and reviewed every document.
He knows I'm lying.
Warmth creeps under my cheeks and my skin prickles with anxiousness. My eyes shift between both of them. "I'm gonna go." I hitch a thumb awkwardly over my shoulder. "I'll see you in a few, Nat."
I turn and leave before she can respond, taking two stairs at a time to the first floor. My heart's racing fast, my fingers are tingly from my shot nerves. A million thoughts are running through my head, but the loudest of them is what the fuck am I doing.
The constant look in James's eyes, like I’ve let him down, kills us both.
I grab James's fleece sweater off the back of the couch, then reach for the bottle of Espolòn. On a last thought, I rummage through Nat’s bag and find what I’m looking for. I know she won’t care. Hell, she’ll join me when she’s through with James. I pocket the joint and lighter, then take the stairs to the second floor where our bedroom is located. I pass our room and make my way down the length of the hallway to a door that's bolted shut. Above our room sits a private balcony, and that's where I'm headed.
I unlock the door and climb one last set of stairs to our little tropical patio that overlooks the city. I park my ass on one of the lush lounge chairs and inhale a breath, then exhale. It's one of those nights.
I uncork my clear liquid and take a heavy swig of it. There's a subtle burn and it makes the hair on my arms rise. I haven't had this in so long I forgot what it tastes like. I usually drink James's cognac. I take the burn though for the next hour or so, until Natalie finds me.
"Hello? I'm looking for Miserable Mattie," she says from behind me. She's such a sarcastic ass.