But we couldn't act like this in public.
His callused finger stroked the space between my thumb and forefinger. Something so simple pulled on my heartstrings. It was just us until a bell sounded in the background and broke the moment. I prayed no one took notice of us.
"Are you mad about last night?" I asked ever so quietly. He dropped my hand.
"Not at all. But now is not the time for that. Now is the time to show them why you are a valuable player for the team."
My eyes fluttered shut. I knew Kova supported me, but it still felt good to hear it at the eleventh hour.
"The United States is the number one team in the world right now. You know why that is?"
"Because we're the bomb dot com?" I joked. He wrapped one last piece of tape around my wrist.
"You are one of four reasons why that is. Do not forget that. Vault and bars are a given. You are the best out of them all and why you are the reigning champion. You know it too; you just do not like to admit it. Remind them why they need you on the team. Win the crowd over with your beautiful smile and love of the sport."
My lips pursed together. Luckily, I was wearing a leotard and it covered the blush creeping up my chest to my neck. Kova had said really sweet things to me before, but this time his words made me feel a little bashful. He spoke like he was confident of my abilities, and that ignited my adrenaline.
"You ready?" he asked once my grips were on. I nodded and bounced on my toes to get moving. "We are almost to the finish line."
I exhaled and flexed my fingers. All the days that had been filled with tears and aches and hopelessness, the same thing over and over, my diligent coaches who pushed me to the brink of insanity, it was all coming to an end. This was it, and the feeling was something I couldn't describe. Now it felt like it got here so fast.
"It's kind of crazy, isn’t it? We've waited for this moment for what feels like forever, and it's finally here."
"It is yours if you want it."
"Are you?"
My lips rolled between my teeth, embarrassment flooding me. I briefly squeezed my eyes shut wishing the ground would swallow me whole. I hadn't meant to say that. Not now at least.
His eyes bore into mine. "I think you already know the answer to that."
The bell sounded again, which meant one more gymnast before I took my turn. Steadying my breathing, I said, "I'm going to chalk up. You're going to be there, right?"
He nodded.
Relieved, I smiled, then made my way to the big chalk bowl and submerged my hands. One event down, three more to go.
I closed my eyes as my fingers shifted through the dry, white powder. I regained control of my inner self as my hands moved over the little chunks of chalk left unbroken. My entire body was swollen from head to toe despite taking all my medications like usual. I wasn't going to let that get in my way. I knew once today was over I could crash hard. It'd be worth it.
That's what I kept telling myself, anyway.
"Ladies, please form a single file line and follow closely."
All fourteen of us got in line wearing our matching USA sweat suits to make our way to the back.
Fourteen now, not fifteen. One of the gymnasts landed wrong on her vault dismount and snapped her knee in half. I wasn't squeamish, but seeing a person's knee inverted and protruding from their leg
made my already nauseous stomach churn higher. I felt so bad for her as she was carried off the floor in a stretcher. She covered her face with her hands, hiding her tears and missed opportunity. She was so young, just barely of age to make the Olympic team from what I'd heard. Hopefully, she wouldn’t lose faith and would come back fighting ten times harder. She was incredibly good, and constantly trailing my scores.
Day two was in the books, and now we were headed to the waiting room while the Olympic committee met in another room to discuss the team. A man holding a video camera followed closely, making sure to zoom in as we walked by, but he wasn't allowed in the room with us.
I wasn't sure which was worse, the anxiety or the adrenaline pulsing through me knowing that within the hour, six of us would be called to the floor to represent the United States. The anticipation was making me crazy. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but damn it, I really hoped my name was called.
While the meet went exceptionally well, that didn't necessarily mean anything at the end of all this. Gymnastics was so political behind closed doors. I knew from the beginning I needed to prove myself time and time again at the meets. And I had. At least I hoped I had. I prayed it showed that I worked well under stress, because they were looking for that too. Mistakes could be made, but the committee had to believe in you, had to see you come back with upgraded routines that were more difficult than before. They wanted to see that you were one of the few and strong who could handle the pressure of wearing the red, white, and blue.
Given my secrets, I felt like I was equipped to handle it.
There was nothing I could do now except wait. I'd finished in first place for both vault and bars, fourth on balance beam, and second on floor. My fate was in their hands.