“Why couldn’t it be both?”
“Because I’m not this girl, Matthew. I’ve worked hard to be free, to not have to rely on anyone. I don’t sit at people’s feet; I don’t let people boss me around.”
I see a ghost of a smile in the dark. “I guess we’re not quite there yet.”
“Not quite where?”
“I’ve been trying to explain, but maybe I haven’t been painting a clear picture. This isn’t about me bossing you around. This isn’t about me taking something away from you by force—it’s about letting someone take care of you. Being a Dom isn’t always sex, it’s me making sure you drank water at the wedding. It’s checking your car to make sure the tires aren’t bald. And when you submit, you’re letting go of some of the worry that comes with all of that. It’s letting someone protect you.”
I bite my lip, hoping he can’t see it in the dark, because that does sound nice when he puts it like that.
“And, of course,” he says, pressing a kiss to my lips, “it’s a little bit about bossing you around.”
I laugh, and I think about actually doing this willingly. What would that be like? I need to know what he expects when it comes to that, because he said there are so many different ways to do it. “How would you do it? If you were in a relationship with someone?”
“Hmmm…” the hum of his voice resonates from his chest into mine, and the warm weight of his body is lulling me back to sleep. “I’m not strict the way some Doms are. There are a lot more layers to the scene that it would take more time to explain. But some people do it all the time. The sub is always on her knees, always naked, always in active submission. Some people are only Doms in the bedroom. Outside they’re equal partners, and once the doors close there’s a power exchange. I’m somewhere in between.”
“How so?”
I can feel him getting hard against my hip as he speaks. “I don’t want a woman who’s always crawling behind. I want someone I can spar with; someone I can enjoy as an equal when the time calls for it. But I also like to have a sub at my feet sometimes. To have her on her knees under the table sucking my cock. To have her walk around in underwear I choose or naked and kneeling and waiting for my instruction.”
“How would you figure out what time is which?”
“Negotiating,” he grins. “I imagine that it might start with set times of day, and as the relationship progressed, hopefully we’d know each other and our boundaries well enough that we would know without having to lay out a timetable.”
I nod. I don’t know what to say to that. It seems logical and almost normal, if you can really call this normal. I can actually see it, the way it would work, this kind of dynamic unfolding in a natural way, figuring it out as you go. But that thought is too nerve-racking for me to follow through, so I don’t. Instead I reach down to touch him where he’s hard, to distract him and to distract me.
Matthew catches my wrist underneath the blankets. “Oh no. No more tonight. You’re going to need your strength for tomorrow. And Sunday.”
“But we could feel good now, Sir.”
“And I’m telling you no, sub.”
I sigh, not wanting to be alone with the thoughts that he’s put into my head. But to my surprise, he leans down and kisses me. Deep and soft and arousing. “Sleep, Emma. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He starts to stroke my skin, and the touch is soothing. And even though seconds ago I was going to try to seduce him, I find my eyes closing. I follow his command, and I drift off into sleep wrapped in his warmth.
Ten
I come awake the way you come awake when you’re on vacation: slowly, groggily, with the knowledge that you don’t have to do any work. It’s bliss.
The sun is streaming in, and from the angle, I guess that I’ve slept in way later than I usually do. But that’s okay, it’s Saturday, right? I roll over and find the bed empty even though I never felt him leave. There is, however, a present with a note. I finger the pile of black material and find it soft and silky. The note is made of that neat, efficient handwriting that I now think I would recognize anywhere.
Put this on and meet me in my study.
-Sir
The fact that he signed it ‘Sir’ makes me shiver. If I had to guess, he doesn’t want me to come to his office to chat over breakfast again. I shower and notice I’m sore almost everywhere, but it’s not a bad aches. It’s the kind that comes after a satisfying day at the gym. I’ve heard other women talk about being sore after sex in a good way, but I’ve never had that. I stifle a giggle—I’ll have plenty of good sex stories when I leave here. No more feeling left out of that party.