We parked in front of Morelli’s house, and Ranger called.
“Babe, we’re here, trying to install a security system for your parents, and we’re meeting some resistance. Your father has a butcher knife and he’s threatening to gut my installer.”
“Where’s my mother?”
“She’s wandering around with a Big-Gulp-size glass of what she says is iced tea but smells strongly of whiskey.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Morelli raised his eyebrows.
“Not worth talking about,” I told him. “Could you drop me off at my parents’ house?”
“Do you want me to stay?”
“Not necessary, but thanks for the offer.”
* * *
—
My father was standing in the doorway. He had the knife in his hand, and he was trying hard to look fierce. Ranger and his men were keeping their distance.
“What’s going on?” I said to my father.
“Nothing’s going on,” he said. “And nothing’s going to go on. I don’t want a security system. I don’t need one.”
“In less than a week’s time you had a firebomb thrown through your window and you had someone break in and trash the place.”
“It wasn’t trashed. It was disrupted. I’ll take care of it.”
“How?”
“I’m going to get my guns back,” he said.
“Not going to happen.”
“I’ll promise not to shoot your grandmother.”
“That’s a start,” I said, “but you’re not getting the guns back.”
“Why not?”
“We sold your guns.”
“What?”
“We bought your big-screen television with them.”
My father’s face turned red, and his eyes bulged out. “You had no right to sell my guns! Those were my guns.” He pressed his lips tight together. “Okay, fine. No big deal. I can get new guns. I don’t need them anyway. I have a baseball bat.”
“And the security system?” I asked.
“No! No security system. It’s like those TSA people at the airport. They don’t make me feel safe. They’re a big fat reminder that some nutjob wants to blow up my plane. You put a security system in because you’re afraid. It’s a sign of fear. Like those body scanners that show your privates.”
“You’re carrying a knife and a baseball bat around with you. Isn’t that a sign of fear?”
“No. It’s a sign that I’m pissed off.”