One week later
The days were ticking by—my return to Los Angeles was on the horizon and every single day that passed made me more anxious about it. Everette offered to buy me a plane ticket so that I could avoid the drive, but I didn’t know how I would explain it to my parents, so I had to decline. My classes were—going. I did my best to balance them all, but it was difficult. There was a sense of dread I couldn’t get out of my thoughts. I wasn’t going to be able to graduate when I planned, regardless. If we conceived the baby in August, then I would give birth in May. That was right around the time that I would be studying for finals, and if I had the baby before class was over—I had no idea what would happen. Either way, I doubted I would return to the University of Arizona after the baby was born.
I can’t really bring the baby with me to class, and do I really want to put my baby in daycare? I guess I won’t have a choice—but will they let me keep the baby in the dorm? Probably not…
There was too much going on in my head, and the decisions I needed to make couldn’t be reasonably made without talking to Everette. I checked the college campus website, and they had a listing for family dorms, but they were more expensive than the one I was staying in. There was also a waiting list. I barely convinced my parents to pay for a private dorm room—and I wasn’t sure if they would even pay my tuition once they found out I was pregnant. They certainly weren’t going to be happy when they found out that the father of my child was our brand new neighbor—the timing would be pretty clear—I got pregnant after only knowing him for a week. That might be even worse, in their eyes, than the fact that he was older than me.
I’m not looking forward to ruining Thanksgiving…
A few days later
“Are we okay?” Everette sighed and leaned forward. “I hate to ask it, but I just feel like there’s something wrong. I thought it was the stomach bug at first, but your entire demeanor has changed—where’s that beautiful smile I used to see every day?”
“It’s still here.” I tried to fake it, but I knew it didn’t look genuine. “We’re okay…”
“Then tell me what’s wrong?” he exhaled sharply. “Please?”
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind…” I looked down at the table. “We’ll talk about it when I come home—I promise.”
“That worries me…” He narrowed his eyes. “If there’s something you need to talk to me about, we can do it over Skype. I’d rather hear it now if it’s bad news.”
“I can’t.” I felt tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. “Just—please let me talk to you about it when I get home.”
“Is there a problem at school? Did something happen?” He kept asking questions, and I couldn’t blame him—I would ha
ve done the same thing.
“I miss you…” I didn’t answer his questions; I just said the first thing that popped in my head.
“I miss you too, Holly,” he sighed. “I just feel like it’s more than that.”
“I’m all alone here.” I lifted my head slightly. “Everyone I care about is in Los Angeles.”
That part is true…
“You’ll be back here soon.” His voice had an encouraging tone.
“Yeah.” I forced another smile. “For less than a week. How’s the new job going?”
A subject change—I need it now more than ever.
“It’s good.” Everette nodded, and thankfully, seemed to go along with my attempt to change the subject. “I didn’t realize how many patients doctors get to see at an Urgent Care center. I’m seeing twice as many as I did at the ER.”
“Wow.” I blinked in surprise. “Are you still thinking that it will be temporary?”
“I don’t know.” Everette shrugged. “I’ve got some time to figure it out.”
That’s not all you’re going to have to figure out—I just wish I felt better about telling you the truth.
My conversation with Everette was brief, like most of our recent ones. I did my best to hold it together when I was talking with him, but as soon he was gone from the screen, I broke down and started crying. My emotions were just turning into a constant train wreck. I knew that was part of being pregnant, but the worst part of it was being consciously aware of it while bounced through different moods like I was trying on different outfits at the mall and couldn’t make up my mind about any of them. I wanted to be happy—I didn’t want to cry—the baby growing inside me didn’t need a mother that couldn’t hold her shit together for more than a few minutes at a time. I just hoped that my mood swings would settle down some once I told Everette the truth, came clean with my parents and started figuring out what was going to happen next. Until then, I was stuck in a constant cycle of being unsure of what my future held.
I guess I should call my parents once I stop sobbing. It’s been a few days and they’ll call me if I don’t call them—I’d rather talk to them when I feel like I have it together rather than being surprised by a phone call when I don’t.
One week later
The hour of my comeuppance was at hand. I was less than an hour away from Los Angeles, and the miles were melting away. I had the beginnings of a baby bump, but it wasn’t noticeable unless someone knew to look for it—and I was the only one that did. I hadn’t actually gained any weight—yet. I lost weight during the second month of my pregnancy because food wasn’t staying down, and my appetite was a disaster. Things started to shift as I got closer to the three month mark. I was skinnier in some places, but my stomach wasn’t firm like it was before I got pregnant. The nausea was less, I was eating more than normal, and the fatigue usually set in by the late afternoon hours.
This drive makes me wish I would have taken Everette up on his offer to buy me a plane ticket—I was going to have to tell my parents about him anyway.