“Come in.” I sighed and stared at the door.
There was no hope of escaping. I had tried it a couple of times, but I never made it further than the living room. My punishment for trying to escape both times was a full day without food. I didn’t really feel like eating, but I put a few crumbs down to stave off the nausea. Being left to starve was torture. It solidified the fact that my parents had become slaves to whatever Reverend Burke said. His word was their gospel and it seemed like they cared more about what he said than what was written in the Bible.
“Scott came by again. He really wants to see you.” My mother put my food on the table next to my bed.
“He can go straight to hell.” My words were seething as I spoke.
“Johanna, you know what you have to do to end this.” She sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to take my hand, but I pulled away. “Marry Scott. All will be forgiven. You can find your way back to the Lord.”
“I’m not going to marry him.” I shook my head back and forth, continuing to seethe with a boiling rage.
“Reverend Burke made it very clear. Until you agree to marry Scott, you will stay locked in this room. I don’t want that for you, darling. I know you fell into the temptations of sin, but it’s time for you to grow up.” She tried to take my hand again, but I pulled away and scooted away from her on the bed.
“I grew up more in the time that I was gone than I ever did living here.” I turned my head towards her. “This is bullshit.”
“Don’t talk like that, Johanna.” She recoiled as if I had slapped her with my use of profanity. “That isn’t how you were raised.”
“This isn’t how I was raised.” I motioned to my bedroom. “I’m not marrying Scott.”
“Well...” My mother sighed. “I guess we’ll see how you feel in a week, or a month, or even a year. Reverend Burke said you’ll come around in time. The sin just needs to wear off.”
“Fuck Reverend Burke.” I glared at her as she stood.
“I’m not feeding that filthy mouth.” She grabbed the plate of food and walked towards the door. “If you want to eat, you’ll talk to me like the good, Christian girl you were raised to be.”
The door slammed and I heard it lock. I broke down in tears when she was gone. I wondered what Cody thought of me and if he really believed I had just left him without even saying goodbye. I had been forced to tell the Reno Police Department that I was okay and left willingly in order to keep him from going to jail. My father had taken my cell phone and I knew he had messaged Cody, but I had no idea what he said. I assumed it was something awful.
THERE WAS NO END TO my imprisonment. A week passed. A month followed. By the third one, I was slowly becoming a prisoner to my own thoughts, and even those betrayed me. My meals were brought to me daily. My parents tried to talk to me, but I refused to even speak to them. If I said what I really felt, I would have been starved again. There was a part of me that just wanted to completely stop eating and waste away until death took me, but I refused to give in to the void. It was clear that nothing was going to change and my parents were every bit the monsters Reverend Burke ordered them to be. The madness and loneliness consumed me. There was only one road out of hell and it was going to take every ounce of strength I could muster to walk it.
“Tell Scott I would like to see him.” I looked up at my mother when she brought my food in and put it on the table.
“Of course.” She smiled so wide that it practically engulfed her face. “I knew you would change your mind in time.”
They had won. I was defeated. The girl that ran away to Reno was nothing more than a memory. I no longer woke up feeling like her. I was tired of living my life as a prisoner. I didn’t love Scott, but I was going to have to pretend I did if I ever wanted to see the outside world again. Even if I had to make the world believe it, I wanted Scott to know the truth. I would be defiant in my final hours of freedom. He arrived a short time later and when he stepped into my bedroom, I wanted to attack him. I wanted to claw his eyes out of his skull. I prepared to give the best performance of my life, because the stage was set and he was the only member of the audience.
“Your mother said you wanted to see me.” He pushed the door closed.
“Yes. Thank you for coming.” The words tasted foul in my mouth. “I’m ready to marry you.”
“You are?” His face lit up with a smile.
“But you have to tell me something first.” I stood and lifted my shirt slightly. “Is this really what you want? I’m not the same virgin girl that was going to be your wife.”
“What are you doing?” He stared as I peeled off my shirt, but immediately covered his eyes.
“I’m not pure and innocent anymore.” I squeezed my breasts and glared at him. “Hundreds of men have seen these. My body has been pillaged by lust—I loved it.”
“The doctor said you’re fine. There’s nothing wrong with you, regardless of what you did.” He stammered over his words, continuing to shield his eyes.
“You could have had this anytime you wanted it.” I pushed my pajama pants down, along with my panties. “You could have taken me right there on that bed and I would have given myself to you.”
“It wasn’t right. We needed to be married first.” He continued to stammer.
“Look at me, Scott.” I kicked off my pajama pants and stood in front of him completely naked.
“Not until we’re married.” He shook his head quickly.
“Look at me!” I walked over and pushed his hands away. “You don’t love me, Scott. You don’t even like me.”