“Oh man, does this mean you slept with him again? And if you did, it’s totally okay, because from the pictures alone he looks like he’s hard to resist.” She takes a sip of her wine, and I wait until she sets her wine glass back onto the table before I answer. My couch is grey and wine stains suck.
“I’m pregnant.”
Paxton’s expression remains blank for a few seconds before she throws her head back and laughs. “Oh my God, you had me there for a second.” She slaps her thigh and her fork flips off her plate and lands on the area rug. Thankfully, it’s dark blue.
When I don’t start laughing, too, she sobers quickly. Her plate joins mine on the coffee table. “Wait, are you serious? How? I mean, I thought you were menopausal?”
“I am. I was. Apparently, you can still get pregnant, even when you’re perimenopausal.”
“Holy . . . wow.” Her hand comes up to cover her mouth. “When did you find out? How did you find out?”
I explain what happened, and how exactly I came to realize and confirm that I am indeed pregnant.
Her brow furrows. “Didn’t you use condoms?”
I give her a look.
“So one of them broke?”
I scrub my hands down my face. “We went without once.”
“Once? Holy hell, Hanna. What are the chances?”
“Five percent, apparently,” I mutter.
“Wait.” She shifts so she’s facing me, eyes wide. “Does Jake know? I have so many questions. I want to be excited, but I know how hard this has been for you in the past.”
I crack a smile. “It’s been an intense forty-eight hours. And yes, he knows. But it’s so complicated.” I need this time with Paxton so I can talk this out. Especially since she’s been through this with me before.
I tell Paxton all about the weekend, from finding out, to telling Jake, and then telling Ryan and his reaction.
“Ryan will adjust. He needs time.” She sounds so certain, and I want to believe that she’s right.
“I hope so. I get why it’s hard for him. Everyone he loves and trusted lied to him for a lot of years. He doesn’t like feeling betrayed, and this thing with Jake and me feels like a betrayal.” And he doesn’t truly know how long it was going on for, although I’m sure he and Queenie can surmise if they want.
“I can see that.” Paxton taps on the armrest. “Does this mean you’re going to move to Seattle?”
“That’s not part of my plan. Not right now. It’s too early to make that kind of decision when anything can still happen.”
“But is it going to be part of the plan eventually? Or will he move here?” She fidgets with the sleeve of her shirt.
“I really don’t know. My whole world is here.” I don’t want to think about the things and people I’d leave behind.
“So he didn’t mention it at all?” she presses.
“He did, but I’m not ready to deal with what that looks like yet.”
“Okay. We can come back to that later.” Paxton reaches out and squeezes my hand in silent understanding. “Next hard question. Have you told your parents yet?”
“No. Not yet.” My stomach does a flip-flop. My mom was such a huge source of support when I miscarried last time. She was there to pick up the pieces, and she was there when my relationship with Gordon crashed and burned. But this is very different. I can only hope after the initial shock, I’ll have the same level of support again.
Paxton makes a face. “When are you going to tell them?”
I’d like to say never, but that’s not possible. “Maybe I should move to Seattle.”
She tips her head, pensive for a moment. “You don’t think they’d be supportive?”
“I want to hope they will be. But it’s the who I’m having a baby with that I think is going to be the cause of the most conflict. It could literally be anyone other than Jake and I think it would be a lot easier to tell them.”
“Are you stuck on the fact he’s King’s father-in-law?”
“It’s a pretty reasonable thing to be stuck on.” I reach for my necklace. “And honestly, as weird as the family dynamic is, I think what I’m least excited to talk about is the fact Jake and I were having this secret relationship and I have no idea what we’re going to be to each other now. And considering what happened with my last pregnancy, I don’t know that putting any kind of label on it makes sense.”
Paxton sighs, her smile sad. “But he’s a great guy, with a great job, and you already know he’s a good parent. He passed up a career in the NHL so he could raise his daughter on his own. Won’t they see that side as well? And you’re an adult. You can have a relationship with whomever you want.”