“I’d expect nothin’ less than a wife wantin’ to be with her husband.” Michael smiled. “So what’s the issue?”
I looked down. “I . . . I don’t want to leave you and Mum.”
I felt horrible when I thought about it.
“Look at me, little.”
I lifted my eyes to Michael’s and the love he had for me shone bright within them.
“Your mam will be with you everywhere ye go.” He squeezed my hand. “She knew, more than anyone, how much ye loved Risk. I know she would want you to spend your life with him in happiness.”
I whimpered. “But how can I just leave her here . . . how can I leave you here all alone?”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Michael smiled. “I’m not alone. I have me friends nearby, and, just like you, I still have your mammy with me.”
“I just . . . I’m so scared. Southwold has been my life for so long.”
“Are you scared everything will change again if you leave?”
Wordlessly, I bobbed my head.
“I understand.” Michael’s thumb brushed over my knuckles. “Ye’ve been here for so long because of your mam. Ye’ve dedicated the last nine years of your life to her, but now, kid, it’s time for ye to live your life for you.”
I processed his words.
“And don’t be scared about not comin’ back,” he said. “Like ye said, ye’ll be here the majority of each year, other times will be like a holiday for you. Ye couldn’t stay away from Southwold even if ye tried and ye know it.”
Surprised laughter bubbled up my throat as tears slipped from my eyes. Michael smiled, then pulled me into his embrace. I wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could and he returned it tenfold.
“I love you,” I told him. “You know that, don’t you?”
“I do.” He kissed my head. “And ye know I love you, right?”
“Right.”
I left Michael’s home feeling lighter and happier than I had in a very long time. I walked back in the direction of the pier and texted Risk where I was going. He went to Mary Well’s for food with the guys while I went to speak with Michael. I wasn’t hungry. I just wanted to walk and breathe . . . I hadn’t been able to breathe this easily for as long as I could remember. When I once again reached my favourite point on the pier, it was dark out. The lights of the pier and shine of the lighthouse burning bright.
My phone pinged.
Risk: When I first came back to Southwold, I began writing a song that was, surprise, about you. I wrote different parts of it when I felt different things. When I was dreading seeing you again, when I was elated to have you as mine for a little while then when I was broken after things ended between us at Wembley and on the pier. I want this song to be the last one I ever write about you that had doubt in it, that has ‘should haves, would haves’ buried in it. I need to close the chapter on my life that had longing and indecisiveness about you. I only want to look to the future knowing that I’ll always see myself by your side and you by mine.
I wrote this for you.
You are the echoes of the heart for me.
You are my Never Enough.
I love you, Cherry.
I clicked into the MP3 link that was attached to the message and with shaking hands, I grabbed my earphones and plugged the pods into my ears. I clicked play, closed my eyes, and the guitar riffs and the beat of the drums surrounded me before Risk’s voice did.
I can’t get enough of your green eyes,
Your soft skin, your sweet smile.
You make my life so much better,
Just by being there, you’re my healer.
My protector, my lover, you know me like no other.
Then a storm rolls in, and you switch it up,
Just to suit when you really give a fuck.
I love you, I show it, you use it against me, and you know it.
I hate you, I don’t need you,
Those are white lies, I can’t breathe without you.
I walk in and you walk out,
You left me, what’s that about?
I begged you, I pleaded,
I laid it all on the line, you wouldn’t believe me.
Would’ve given my life for yours, no thinking necessary,
Would you have done the same for me, my pretty cherry?
But no matter what’s been said or done,
You’ll always be my never enough.
My never enough.
My never enough.
You’ll always be my never enough.
I should’ve told you that, when you trusted me,
When you looked at me, and saw the real me.
I wish everything turned out different,
I wish you had my last name, my children.
You ripped me apart, I came undone,
But if you called me now, you know I’d run.
This happened for a reason, that’s what you told me,