It had taken me just a couple days to accept it, and the only reason I did was because I knew time wasn’t a luxury I had. If I denied my mum’s sickness, I would only be hurting us both. I accepted her disease, but I was still struggling with knowing that slowly but surely, I was going to lose the woman I knew and loved right before my very eyes. She was going to change so drastically and I couldn’t stop it from happening. All I could do was be there for her and make sure she was loved and cared for so that in her darkest hours she had someone there to keep the light on.
“Frankie,” Risk stepped forward. “What do I do then?”
“What d’you mean?”
“If this works out and we sign our deal, I have to go to America.”
“For two years,” I said, my body beginning to shake. “And that’s only to find a new member and write and record an album. What about when you actually release it and have to promote it and do a bunch of other stuff related to it? What about when you guys blow up into superstars and have to spend a lot more time in America and go on world tours for months out of the year?”
Risk blinked and shook his head, but said nothing because he and I both knew that I was right. This was Blood Oath’s big break, this is what they had been working for, this is what they deserved. It had to be full steam ahead, there could be no setbacks or distractions and I realised in that moment that that was exactly what I had become. Risk realised it too.
“This mi-might not work out though,” he stammered. “This could be a complete bust.”
Tears filled my eyes as I smiled.
“Not a chance, rock star. This is Blood Oath’s beginning. This is what you’ve been chasing . . . you’re gonna get your dream.”
He stared down at me. “But you’re not gonna come with me, are you?”
“No,” I rasped. “I can’t take the risk of leaving my mum.”
“Frankie.”
“I think . . . I think we need to step back from each other.”
Saying those words ripped a hole in my chest.
“You once told me I was the only risk you’d ever take, but you’re risking everything we have right now and for what? Because you think we can’t do long distance?”
“I love you,” I said, my body trembling. “I love you with my whole heart, but I cannot go with you. Your career just got its big break, you know where this ends if we do long distance. You know and so do I. We won’t see each other for months, video chats and calls and texts will dwindle because we’re both busy with our lives, and I don’t want us to end like that. I don’t want us to just . . . fade.”
“Who says we’ll fade?” he demanded. “You’re making excuses now, Frankie, and you know it.”
“I’m not!” I argued. “I’m thinking realistically!”
Frustrated, Risk turned and lobbed his phone at the garden wall next to us. I didn’t flinch when it cracked off the concrete and smashed onto the ground.
“Why’d you do that?” I demanded. “You need a phone now.”
“I’ll get a new one with a new number since it’s obvious you won’t be calling me anymore, right?”
He was hurting. He reacted with anger when he was hurting because it was the only defence tactic he had. Risk had been fostered for most of his life by a family who never treated him like anything other than a stranger and a punching bag. He didn’t learn to love until we got together. His biological mother died of a drug overdose when he was four and he never knew who his father was. He didn’t have a real family until me, May and Hayes formed a bond with him.
“Please,” I begged. “Don’t be angry with me.”
“Don’t be angry? We’ve been dating for three years, I’ve known you almost my whole life. I thought we were stronger than this, Frankie. I thought everything in life we were going to do, we would do together. Wasn’t that what we promised?”
It was. When we started dating at fifteen we promised we’d always do everything together. That’d we never leave the other one alone.
“I’m sorry,” my voice cracked. “I wish things were different, I’d leave with you in a minute if they were but they’re not. My mum has Alzheimer’s, Risk. She’s not going to get better, only worse. I have to take care of her, I have to.”
“I can take care of you both.” He reached for me and gripped my arms. “Just come with me. When I make money, I’ll pay the best doctors to help your mum.”
“Baby, listen to yourself. My mum’s sickness is very mild right now, but she’s eventually going to forget everything that’s new to her and only have old memories. How would she cope living in America where everything is strange to her?”