“You obviously need to talk about it. I’m willing to listen. In fact, neither Hank nor I will be leaving until you spill the beans, so spill.”
Taylor doesn’t seem threatening. He doesn’t seem mean, and I don’t get the impression that he’s going to try to top me right now. He’s just being blunt. No, scratch that: he’s being a friend, and I think that’s actually what I need right now.
Only, I still hate thinking about that night.
I hate remembering what happened to him.
“I was a senior in high school,” I finally say. It was two years after the horrible Mallory-and-Aaron kiss. Since then, I’d turned into quite the slut. I’d never gone all the way, but there weren’t many people I hadn’t fooled around with. I’d done whatever it took to get my mind off of my crush, and it had taken a toll on me. Matthew was worried about me.
He told me Aaron was a good guy, but that there were plenty of good guys.
He wanted to help me move on.
“My brother and I had been spending more time together. He lived near campus with Aaron – that’s the Dom’s name – and the two of them were best friends. I didn’t speak to Aaron because...we
ll, that’s a long story...but Matthew and I hung out when we could.”
“But there was an accident,” Taylor says patiently.
Yeah.
That’s putting it lightly.
“It was supposed to be a normal night,” I say. “I’d picked up pizza and brought it home. Mom and Dad were out to dinner and then a show with some friends. It was just supposed to be me and Matthew, but I’d totally forgotten to grab the DVD. I was supposed to pick up a rental for us to watch.”
“You didn’t rent it digitally?” Hank interrupts, asking quietly. I don’t think he’s trying to be rude. He’s genuinely asking.
“This was almost eight years ago,” I say. “And I mean...it was a different world back then. People didn’t just rent movies on their phones, and besides, my brother and I liked walking through rental shops or even browsing a Redbox.”
“So he went to get the movie,” Taylor fills in the blanks.
“And he never came home. There...I guess there was a drunk driver? Someone wasn’t paying attention. They ran through a red light and hit Matthew’s side of the car. There was no chance of him surviving. The guy had been driving too fast. He died instantly.”
At least, that was what the paramedics told me.
My nightmares penned a different tale, though, and I constantly worried, even after all of this time, that my brother had suffered alone. I always worried that he’d been there in pain before he finally let go of the world. I worried about that even now, and sometimes, it really ate me up inside.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Taylor says. “But I think you know that.”
I just shrug and close my eyes.
“I know,” I say.
“She doesn’t believe it,” Hank says thoughtfully.
“I can see that,” Taylor says. “So you don’t want to talk to Aaron because you know he’s going to tell you the same thing.”
“Pretty much,” I admit, embarrassed.
I don’t want Aaron to promise me that everything’s going to be okay. I don’t want him to tell me that I’m going to be fine.
I want Aaron to go away, and I want to pretend that none of this ever happened.
Taylor watches me thoughtfully, and then he leans closer to me. He takes my hands, and he squeezes them, and he looks at me.
“I know that we play together at the club, and I don’t have any say over your life,” he tells me. “But I’d like to say that we’re friends, Mallory, and friends are honest with each other.”
“I know,” I whisper.