“Or just fuck them here?” Belinda adds.
I have no idea how to answer that question without sounding like a total weirdo. Sure, we’re hanging out in the middle of a sex club, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to put all of my fetishes on display.
Or, you know, my shortcomings.
“I guess I’m just shy,” I say, but they’re all smart, and not a single one of them buys it.
“Are you religious?” Belinda asks gently. “Is it a religion thing? Because there’s nothing wrong with waiting until marriage.”
“We’ll support you no matter what your lifestyle choices are,” Dax says kindly, and I’m a little overwhelmed by the fact that they’re being so nice about this. I’m not ready to get into all of the reasons I don’t sleep with anyone from the club.
Or, you know, anyone ever.
I’m not ready to share my secret with them, or with anyone.
“Thanks,” I say. “I appreciate that.”
It’s a non-answer, but it’s going to have to do because it’s all I can give right now. A gentle tap on the shoulder and I turn to see Hank and Taylor standing quietly behind me.
“Mallory?” Taylor smiles. “Would you like to play tonight?”
I think about my friends and their never-ending support. I think about Aaron and our date tomorrow. I think about the fact that he’s definitely going to want to talk about my dead brother and how that affected my life, and I realize that I’m going to need something to get me through until tomorrow.
“Yeah,” I whisper, taking his hand. “I think I would.”
I go off with Taylor and Hank, sparing a glance over my shoulder. My friends are all still standing there. I know they’re still supporting me in their hearts, but they all have a different shared expression now: concern.
I turn back and focus on where I’m going.
Concern is something I don’t need.
Not tonight.
Taylor takes me to a pole in the center of one of the stages. Hank moves patiently, quietly to the side of the stage. He’ll have a front-row view of everything that happens, and that’s fine with me. I’m happy to be their surrogate tonight. As long as it means Taylor hits me and brings me up, anyone in the damn world can watch.
Shit.
I cannot believe I’m having lunch with Aaron Fucking Winters tomorrow.
It’s a bad idea.
I know that it’s a bad idea, but I’m doing it anyway. Somehow, the acceptance was out of my mouth before I could call it back, and I know, I just know, that I’m going to regret it.
“Mallory?” Taylor asks, and I look up at him sharply.
“Yes, sir?”
“I asked you a question.”
“I wasn’t listening, sir.”
Honesty is always the best policy.
Always.
It might mean that I’ll get a couple of extra spankings, but it might also mean saving myself from agreeing to something I desperately do not want.
Tonight, though, Taylor looks at me thoughtfully. I think he’s going to tell me what my punishment will be, or that he’s going to work with me to negotiate the scene, but he shakes his head.