At the diner, he mentioned he was on his lunch break, so I know he works nights. I wonder what he does for a living. The idea of sharing a life with him creeps into my head, but it flickers out just a quickly. I would never be able to be open with him about my extra-curricular activities.
The bathroom light goes off, but the light in his bedroom remains on. I can’t see in; I can only see the glow of the light shining from behind the shade.
Should I follow him tonight? I ask myself as the light in his bedroom goes off.
I need to see him again. Maybe if I hang around and follow him a little bit tonight, the opportunity to bump into one another will present itself. The sounds of other lurkers and passers-by mix together in the air around me as I convince myself that following him is the only way I’ll be able to see him again.
Why the fuck is this so hard? I see someone. I like them. I follow them.
There has never been an issue before; why now?
It’s him; that’s why.
I am pulled from my thoughts by the sound of footsteps on the pavement in the alleyway behind me. When I turn around, I expect to be face-to-face with a mugger, a druggie, or a whore, but I am pleasantly surprised when I see him instead.
Bodhi.
“How did you know I was here?” I ask him.
“You’re good, I’ll give you that. I thought I saw the faint orange glow of a cigarette over here last night, but I wasn’t sure. But then when I saw it again this evening, I thought it had to be you.”
“It could have been any one. How do you even know that I’m here for you?”
“I don’t.” His face falls slightly and I immediately regret my words. “I guess I was just hoping that you were.”
As we stand-off with one another, I stare him down, pinning him to his spot. The tension between us is thick and, if I had to guess, I’m not the only one hard as a fucking rock right now. I take one more drag of my cigarette before stomping it out with my boot.
Then, I advance on him and catch his cheeks in my hands. My hands, which are used to snuffing people out, caress his high cheekbones. My lips crash into his—they’re full and plump, soft like velvet. I push him backward into the brick wall behind him as my hands work their way up into his long brown hair. I have no idea how he does it; how he can look like a meek little girl begging to be held down one minute, and in the next, look hard and strong like a god as he shoves me backward into the bricks on the other side of the alley.
I begin to think that he is pushing me away, that he is rejecting me. Then, I realize his lips aren’t retreating; they’re fighting hard to keep our connection from breaking. He likes being in control as much as I do. That could be fun; or it could end us before we even begin.
Begin what?
Why am I acting like we would ever be a thing; like we could ever be a thing. I would never be able to be myself—my true self—around him.
My lips leave his and trace the path over his cheekbone and down to his neck. I can feel his pulse beating beneath his skin and my cock hardens. He works his knee in between my legs, rubbing my balls as it goes. I open my mouth and a soft moan escapes me as I run my teeth gently over the skin just under his ear.
Then, as suddenly as we began, he places a hand on either side of my neck and pushes me away from him.
“I’m sorry,” he says with a pained expression, “I—I can’t do this.”
Turning toward the street, I watch him walk away. I keep my eyes on him as he walks into the light streaming from the lamp above, until his last step back into the shadow that his apartment building casts upon the street.
Chapter 6
Playing a game of hide and seek with Knox was fun while it lasted. However, when I found him outside of my home, I knew that I had to end things before they even started.
I’m not one for relationships.
No one should have to sleep in an empty bed and anyone that I manage to seduce into the horror that is my life—man or woman—would get exactly that. An empty bed, because while I do enjoy my quintessential day job, I enjoy my nights off much more. My nine to five just so happens to be when the sun has gone down.
That’s when I truly get to be myself and coming home to someone wondering where I’ve been, because you can’t possibly work seven days a fucking week, would be enough for me to do a little offside gaming.
If you love someone, you shouldn’t hurt them, but I have no room in my heart for love.
Lust?
Perhaps.