Julianne, however, was hunkered down in the kitchen with Buck. The old cook scurried about, making sure his spices weren't going to spill as the ship threw them around. Julianne was sitting on the floor with a bucket. Any notion she had of being ready to deal with the sea was gone.
She had no sea legs.
She certainly didn't have a sea stomach.
She threw up in the bucket a few more times, wondering if this poor weather would ever end. All she wanted was to relax with Wade. All she wanted was to be able to look out over the water with him during the day and to look out over the stars with him during the night. She wanted the freedom that the ship brought. She wanted the freedom that the pirates represented. She did not, however, want to die at the hands of a horrible, terrible, old ocean.
Julianne clawed her way to her feet and mumbled something to Buck before she left the kitchen. She went out into the hall and stood for a moment, trying to find her balance. She ship swayed and she practiced moving her body along with it so that she wouldn't fall over. The last thing she needed was to hit her head and be knocked unconscious on a ship full of pirates.
The last thing.
She made her way to the deck and looked around at the chaos. Wade and Nelson were both screaming orders at the men. Wade was at the helm, trying to keep a steady course. They would pass the Isle of Changers today, which meant that by tomorrow, they should have an idea where Mad Drake's ship had disappeared.
Julianne wondered if they would find it. Would it be caught up on some rocks? Would it be half-sunk, but still visible? Would it be beneath the sea somewhere that no one would ever find it? Was the treasure even really there?
Suddenly, she wondered if Wade's quest to find the treasure was about more than prestige on the sea. Was this just something he needed to do to prove how much of a badass he was? Did he need to prove how strong he was?
She understood the urge, certainly. She h
ad fought for a long time to feel like one of the men on the ship. She had tried to fit in, to make a place for herself. She had tried to make herself strong enough to be included with the men. Julianne didn’t want to feel like a passenger on The Dark Lovely. She wanted to feel like a part of the group.
But suddenly, finding Mad Drake’s treasure didn’t seem as important as getting out of the storm.
Suddenly, this felt like a suicide mission to her.
She went to Wade. The wind was howling and her hair was blowing in her face. Wade's was matted to his own head. She wondered how he could even see through his mop of hair, how he could even see through the torrents crushing down on them.
Julianne went to him and wrapped her arm around his waist.
"You shouldn't be up here, love," he yelled to her. "What happened to Buck?"
"I think we should turn back," she screamed. Wade's eyes opened wide as if he couldn't believe her suggestion.
"We're in the middle of a storm, Julianne," Wade yelled. "How exactly do I turn back?" She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Suddenly, she realized how very small and very silly and how very out of place she was.
She felt someone grab her arm and looked up to see Nelson next to her.
"Come on," he said to his sister. "Let's get you dry."
He guided her back to Wade's cabin, closing the door behind them. The second it was closed, he started to yell at her.
"What the hell were you thinking? 'I think we should turn back'? Dammit, woman!"
Julianne shirked back, not meeting her brother's eyes. He was right, she knew. Talk about the epitome of bad timing. She could have at least waited until the two of them were alone. She could have at least waited until the storm had passed to offer up her not-so-expert advice.
Instead of admitting her fault, however, Julianne defended herself with more yelling.
"Why the fuck is this so damn important, anyway?" She yelled at Nelson. She knew it wasn't his fault. None of this was. It wasn't his fault that she was on this ship or that they were on this quest. Wade had given her many chances to leave. He had given her chances to stay behind, but she hadn't.
She had wanted to come along.
She had insisted that she come along.
"You really have no idea, do you?" Nelson's voice came slow and steady.
"What?" She shrugged, looking at him.
“Julianne,” Nelson shook his head, and not for the first time, Julianne felt like she was very insignificant. Did everyone know so much more than her? Was the entire crew in on some secret knowledge she hadn’t been permitted to know?